Fetch Those Flippin’ Fish!

By: C.N.

Restoration is a beautiful thing, y’all! When something has been restored, it has been returned or brought back (They’ve just restored toilet paper at Wal-Mart so that I can wipe my behind like a  normal person, y’all! YASSSSSSS! Thank you, Jesus! I can do the deed with dignity now! Haha). Likewise, when someone has been restored, that person is repaired, fixed, mended, and made whole again (i.e. a hothead with a “ratchet is rocking” attitude simmers down (would you stop yelling?! Haha), learns self control, learns to talk through things, and apologizes for all of the bad decisions he/she has made during his/her life). We are all flawed creatures (we all make mistakes, y’all!), but God loved us so much that he sent his darling son, and our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, to die on the Cross for our sins (bad things that we say, do, don’t do, or think), that if we trusted and believed in Jesus, we would not perish, but have everlasting life (John 3:16 (KJV); Holy Ghost party in Heaven, y’all! Haha).

 

To truly be restored in Jesus Christ is as simple as ABC: Admit that we’re sinners and repent of our sins (ask God to please forgive us of our sins and help us to stop sinning-slap the taste of sin out of our mouths, Lord! Haha Ok, don’t say it like that. Haha); Believe that Jesus Christ is God’s son, died on the Cross for our sins, rose from the dead on the 3rd day, went back to Heaven with God Almighty (sitting at God’s right hand), and is coming back for his people and to judge this world; Commit ourselves to following Jesus Christ the rest of our lives (put God first in everything that we do-prayer, reading the Bible, going to a Bible-believing/Bible-teaching church, seeking God’s help in everything that we do and every decision that we make). Hallelujah! There’s hope for us hot-headed heathens (YASSSSSS! Haha)! When we’ve truly been restored, we’re new people (Wooo! Look at the shine! Look at that shine! I’m SPARKLING!); we’re not acting like Bebe’s kids anymore, y’all! This brings us to the story of Simon Peter’s restoration in the Bible.

We remember Petey-poo! In my previous post, “Gravity Can’t Hold Jesus Down!”->https://jesusbedtimestories.com/gravity-cant-hold-jesus-down/), we explored how Peter’s faith was tested: when he focused on Jesus, he was able to walk on water, but as soon as he took his eyes off of Jesus, he began to sink (but Jesus saved him with the quickness, y’all! Haha). Fast forward to now, Jesus had been crucified on the Cross, God had raised him from the dead (the resurrected Christ, y’all!), and he was walking the earth in his resurrected form (Jesus walked the earth for 40 days after being raised from the dead, before going back to Heaven on a cloud). While Jesus’s disciples were out fishing in the Tiberias Sea (they were some hungry, hungry hippos, y’all! I’m a man, Momma! A man’s gotta eat!), they became frustrated, as the fish weren’t biting (they caught all of a big, fat, whopping NOTHING! They didn’t catch anything that night but an attitude, y’all. Haha). As soon as morning broke, however, Jesus himself was standing on the shore (but the disciples didn’t realize that it was him right away); he asked the disciples if they had caught any fish, they said no (shameful! Haha jkjkjk), and he told them to cast their nets on the right side of the ship. BOY! Fish started jumping into their nets like little girls at a Justin Beiber concert (I won’t make fun of Beiber…today. Haha); they ended up catching so many fish that they all had to work together to drag the net back to shore (we’re eating smoked salmon tonight! Haha)!

 

The disciples now knew FOR A FACT that Jesus was with them (this is the 3rd time that Jesus had appeared to the disciples after God the Father had raised him from the dead); no one else could have caused such a miracle to take place (Jesus with the 3-pointer at the buzzard! God wins! God wins! God wins!)! When Simon Peter heard that Jesus was among them, he wrapped himself up (that boy was naked, y’all! No one wants to see that, Peter! Haha), got into the water, the disciples followed in the ship (with that BIG Ol’ net of fish! Where’s my tartar sauce?! Haha), and when they got to shore, they saw a fire of coals, fish cooking on the coals, and bread (why, Jesus, you shouldn’t have. Haha). Jesus told the disciples to bring the fish that they had caught (use those manly muscles!), Simon Peter sprung into action (I’ll do it, Jesus! I’ll do it!), the disciples followed behind in their ship (with that BIG Ol’ net of fish that didn’t break! It’s a miracle!), and they were getting ready to eat, y’all (Bon appetit! Haha)!

While Jesus and his disciples ate (fish and bread for everyone!), Jesus asked Simon Peter if he (Peter) loved him (Jesus). Jesus had predicted during the Last Supper that Peter would deny knowing him 3 times before the rooster crowed the next morning; the night that Jesus was arrested (to be crucified), Peter, in fact, denied knowing Jesus 3 times (he was afraid of dying on a cross for his faith in Jesus, and he forgot his Sunday School language while denying Jesus-I don’t know him, you @@@F***!!!!!!). As soon as the rooster crowed, Peter thought back to what Jesus had said and began to cry bitterly (he had a repentant heart-he was so sorry and couldn’t believe that he had just denied Jesus). From this, Jesus wanted to test Peter’s loyalty. Jesus asked Peter the following question:

John 21:15 (KJV): So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? 

Something of note here is the fact that Jesus did not call Simon “Peter” (the name that Jesus had given Simon); this shows that there had been a separation between Simon and Jesus from Simon’s denial of him, but Simon was about to be restored and would get his “Peter” back. When Jesus asked Simon Peter if he loved him, Peter said “yes,” and Jesus told him to feed his lambs (spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ and God’s truth after Jesus goes back to Heaven). Jesus asked Simon Peter a 2nd time whether he loved him-Peter said “yes,” and Jesus told him to feed his sheep (spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ and God’s truth after Jesus goes back to Heaven). Jesus asked Simon Peter a 3rd time whether he loved him (the third time’s the charm, y’all! Get it together, Peter! You DISGUST me! Haha jkjkjk)-Peter was heartbroken that Jesus questioned his love for him, but he said that Jesus knew everything and knew that he (Peter) loved him (Jesus); Jesus told Peter once again to feed his sheep (spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ and God’s truth after Jesus goes back to Heaven).

 

Jesus went on to tell Peter that while he could go where and do what he wanted while he was young, when Peter became old, he would be thrown in jail and crucified on a cross for preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ. As Peter grows old (we’ll get to that in a later post! Just hold your horses! Haha jkjkjk), he’ll ask to be crucified upside down, as he doesn’t find himself worthy to be crucified in the same way Jesus was crucified (rightside up)-Peter will embrace death in his old age, as opposed to running away from it like he did in his youth (when he denied Jesus 3 times).

Peter has been restored, y’all (Aye! That’s what I’m talking about! Haha)! Peter has repented of his sins, has truly turned back to Jesus Christ, and will proudly spread God’s truth the rest of his days (he’s not SCUUURREEEDD anymore, y’all! Haha). Peter still has questions for days, however, as he asks Jesus about John (will he betray you, Jesus?! What about him?!). Jesus tells Peter to calm himself down, worry on getting his act together (make sure that YOU’RE following me, Peter!), let Jesus worry about the other believers, and if he needs Peter’s help with anything (which, of course, he doesn’t), he’ll let him know. Haha John ends the book (this marks the end of the Book of John, y’all! Haha) by saying that he wrote this account, everything is true and factual, there are many more things that the disciples could have written about (Jesus was ALWAYS up to something, y’all! Praise the Lord for that! Haha), but there wouldn’t have been a book big enough to contain all of Jesus’s miracles and awesomeness (let the Church say, “Amen!”)!

 

This story is too good to not have a modern-day remix, y’all!!! I wonder how things would have played out had this story happened today? Let’s put our thinking caps on (I like to pretend like I’m cool, so my hat will be a blue snapback to the side-I’m just saying! Haha)! Party time (I’m black, so I’ll bring the sushi rolls. Haha)! NOTE: I will be utilizing modern-day language, technology, and ways of living in this story, as we’re picturing this happening today.

Fetch Those Flippin’ Fish!

By: C.N.

Biblical Reference: John, Chapter 21 (KJV)

*God Almighty has raised Jesus from the dead, and Jesus is walking the earth in his resurrected form (Hallelujah!). He sees that his buddies (his disciples) are having trouble catching fish in the Tiberias Sea, so he decides to help them out (this will be his 3rd time kicking it with them since his resurrection from the dead). He wants to talk to them (Simon Peter especially), and he knows that no one pays attention to anything on an empty stomach. Haha*

Simon Peter: Bump this, man! We’ve been out here for 6 hours, roasting like chestnuts on an open fire (he does look like burnt charcoal right now. Haha jkjkjk), and we haven’t caught a single fish! We might as well just go to Red Lobster!

Thomas: I’m with you, Pete! I’m tired, I’m hungry, and I heard that Red Lobster has a 3 for $20 deal on all shrimp, crab legs, and pasta! YEAH, BUDDY! My mouth is salivating just thinking about it (easy there, Slobber Smith!)! Let’s go!

*Before the disciples could drown themselves in alfredo sauce, Jesus suddenly appears on the shore*

JESUS CHRIST: Children, have ye any meat?

Everybody: Nope! Nothing! Nada! Nilch! Didn’t happen! The fish aren’t feeling us today! We don’t get it!

JESUS CHRIST: Cast the net on the right side of the ship, and ye shall find.

*It was on and popping now, y’all! Fish starting coming out of nowhere-big fish, little fish, red fish, blue fish, smart fish, kind fish, short fish, tall fish, ALL KINDS OF FISH! They were doing the macarena (hey, macarena!) and two-step (ok, two fin. Haha) into the net with the quickness, y’all! They collected so many fish that they had to drag the net to shore-it didn’t break, though! Haha*

Simon Peter: Jesus is here! Jesus is here! OH! Let me put my clothes back on (darn skippy you should put your clothes back on! Why weren’t they on to begin with?! You don’t need a tan! Get it together, Peter! No one wants to see that! Haha).

*Peter and the other disciples got in their boat, fish in tow, and went to the other side to kick it with Jesus. Jesus had set up the grill (George Foreman, y’all! The good stuff!), and had the bread, chips, and drinks on deck! Jesus was ready for the cookout, y’all (Of course he was! He was always prepared for everything! Haha)!*

JESUS CHRIST: Bring of the fish which ye have now caught.

Simon Peter: I’ll do it, Lord! I’ll do it, Lord! *Peter wants to show off by trying to carry the heavy net of fish by himself-the McGoofy from McDonalds almost throws his back out. Amateur. Haha*

JESUS CHRIST: Come and dine.

Everybody: Whatever you say, Lord! We could eat a house and a yacht right now! *Would you ANIMALS at least chew the stuff first?! Don’t be barbarians all your lives. Haha*

*Jesus and his disciples enjoy a good, old fashioned cookout (please pass the A-1 sauce!)! Jesus made sure that everyone was full and focused, because he has a very serious bone to pick with Simon Peter (Lucy! You’ve got some ‘plaining to do!). During the Last Supper, Jesus predicted that Peter would deny him three times before the rooster crowed the next morning (though he didn’t say any names). Sure enough, after Jesus was arrested, Peter denied knowing Jesus 3 times-he was afraid to die on a cross for his faith, and he even started swearing like a sailor in the process (I said I don’t know him, you !!!****@@@D! I hope you don’t kiss your mother with that filthy mouth! Haha).

As soon as the rooster crowed, Peter remembered what Jesus had said, and he began to cry bitterly (I’m sorry, Lord! Please forgive me! I can’t believe that I just denied you! I love you, Jesus!); he felt terrible about denying Jesus, and he immediately repented. Jesus is now going to restore Peter (NOTE: Jesus will only call him “Simon” instead of “Peter” (Jesus gave Simon the name “Peter”) to show that there was a separation between them when Simon denied him 3 times. No worries, though! Simon will get his “Peter” back.)*

JESUS CHRIST:  Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these?

Simon Peter: Of course I love you, Lord. I love you more than anyone or anything in this world.

JESUS CHRIST: Feed my lambs. *He wants Peter to preach God’s truth now and after Jesus goes back to Heaven with God the Father*

Simon Peter: You can count on me, Lord! I’m your BOY!

JESUS CHRIST: Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me?

Simon Peter: Yes, Lord. You know that I love you. I’m your ride or die, your Day 1, your right hand man, your ace boon coon, your homie, your road dog (roof! roof!), your buddy, your pal, your friend (are you done, Peter? Haha)!

JESUS CHRIST: Feed my sheep. *He wants Peter to preach God’s truth now and after Jesus goes back to Heaven with God the Father*

Simon Peter: Yes, Lord. I will preach your Gospel and your truth until they bury me 6 feet under (on my Momma!).

JESUS CHRIST: Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me?

Simon Peter: Lord, you’re breaking my heart by thinking that I don’t love you. Of course I love you. You know everything, Lord. I can’t lie to you about my heart-my heart is with you, Lord.

JESUS CHRIST: Feed my sheep. *He wants Peter to preach God’s truth now and after Jesus goes back to Heaven with God the Father*

Simon Peter: I’ll do whatever you say, Lord. This world needs your truth and to turn from its’ wicked ways (bow down, peasants! Haha jkjkjk).

JESUS CHRIST: Verily, verily, I say unto thee, When thou wast young, thou girdest thyself, and walkedst whither thou wouldest: but when thou shalt be old, thou shalt stretch forth thy hands, and another shall gird thee, and carry thee whither thou wouldest not. *Jesus was telling Peter that he could go and do as he pleased while he was young, but once he grew old, he would be jailed and killed for preaching in Jesus’s name. Peter asked Jesus how he would die to glorify God, and Jesus simply told him to “Follow me.” Peter will also be killed on a cross.*

Simon Peter: I will gladly die for you, Lord! I’ll never be ashamed of you or deny you! I’m team Jesus Christ for life! Unashamed hombre! Romans 1:16 FOR LIFE!!!!!!! *Slow your rolls, gangster Pete. Haha* BTW, Lord, what about Johnny boy over here? Will he deny you? Will anyone else deny you? We don’t like traitors, Lord. No one better betray you, in the mighty name of YOU!!!

JESUS CHRIST:  If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? Follow thou me. *In other words, Peter, don’t worry about what John or anyone else will do. You worry about you, get your house in order, make sure that you’re following Jesus, and Jesus will take care of the rest. Nose all in the pot, and you don’t even know the recipe. Haha*

John (another of Jesus’s disciples): I wrote this glorious book (stop giving yourself so much credit, John. Haha jkjkjk He’s humble. Haha), and everything that I wrote is completely, 100% true (no fakery around this way. Haha). Jesus did so many other things that we could write about, but the world doesn’t have a book big enough to contain all of Jesus’s awesomeness (you can say that again!). Amen.

-C.N.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

18 thoughts on “Fetch Those Flippin’ Fish!

  1. Thanks for sharing!
    I like this “God loved us so much that he sent his darling son, and our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, to die on the Cross for our sins (bad things that we say, do, don’t do, or think), that if we trusted and believed in Jesus, we would not perish, but have everlasting life.”

    1. Thank you so much, Samuel! I love Jesus Christ, and I want to use my God-given talents and abilities to point people to him; we should honor God in everything that we do. I’m so happy that you enjoyed my article! I will definitely keep them coming! God bless you!

  2. Dear CN,
    Jokes aside, I like the way you use your platform to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ, unapologetically at that.

    I also like that you are leading people to our Saviour especially in these trying times.

    You are making the stories relatable for all of people (but go easy on the innuendos😎😬)

    I like this for what it is, fishing for me, while the window for the church is still open 🙏💒

    Good job and God bless

    1. Thank you so much, Ibi! I am definitely an outspoken, unashamed advocate for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I want my stories to relate to everyone, so I try my best to incorporate modern culture and humor into my Biblical remakes. I will definitely be sure to watch the innuendos-I proofread my articles twice through to make sure that I’m not going too far with anything-I want kids and adults of all ages to be able to read and learn from my content. Thank you for looking out for me! Haha God bless you!

  3. haha I loved reading this entirely! your humor cracks me up. Even tough Peter likes to soak up the sun commando-style, and Jesus loves his cookouts, what matters in the end is after Peter was restored with all the right form of clothing, what kind of fish fest did they all end up having after all? and why was I not invited? i am hungry to know the answer hahha

    1. Thank you so much, Sasha! I’d like to know what kind of fish they were eating as well! Jesus is God, so he probably had one of every type of fish ever created. Haha We were invited to the cookout, but we were at the water park. Haha We won’t make that mistake again! Haha God bless you!

  4. My birthplace, Whitby, Yorkshire certainly could have done with a fisherman like Jesus for keeping the fishing industry alive and flourishing, mind you the stocks might have dwindled somewhat.

    We know he came back after his death but I wonder if he’s reincarnated over the years?

    Just think, when we have done here in this 3D reality and gone back home where we originally came from then I have so many questions to ask.

    It’s like a punishment that we have to start our spiritual beginning here, but not to worry because our immortal existence will only get better.

    God loves us all and maybe it is a good thing that the human body can only exist for 70-90 years because he knows we will of had enough by then.

    Thank you for starting my week with a smile!

    1. Thank you so much, Mick! Jesus is definitely the ultimate fisherman, and he would have certainly kept the fishing industry up and booming (he still does, but in the sense of fishing for lost souls to bring to him). To your reincarnation question, I actually wonder that myself. We know that Jesus made several pre-carnate appearances before his earthly birth (such as appearing in the fiery furnace with the three Hebrew boys (Shadrach, Meshach & Abednego)), but I have not yet read of any appearances after his ascension back to Heaven (though I am going to continue reading God’s Word for clarification). We know that Jesus is definitely coming back for his bride (the Church) and to judge/destroy this sinful world, and I want to be in that number when the saints go marching in! Though we are born into sin, Jesus paid it all on Calvary, and due to his great and perfect sacrifice, we now have an opportunity to live with him in Heaven forever (Hallelujah!)! I consider it a blessing that we only live 70-100+ years, as we likely wouldn’t know what to do with ourselves, and the way the world is going, we’ll definitely be ready to go. Haha I’m so happy that you enjoyed my article! God bless you!

  5. I like your style and the comedy you bring into these stories. They are usually hard to read and have to be interpreted by someone else. And in this case, your interpretation is awesome. I like the story about students fishing and having bad luck and Jesus saving the day. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work!

    1. Thank you so much, Ivan! When we have faith in and a genuine relationship with Jesus Christ, he will literally move mountains for us (his miracles are endless). Jesus’s disciples couldn’t catch a fish to save their lives, but Jesus already knew that this was going to happen and used it for God’s glory. I’m so happy that you enjoyed my story! I’ll definitely keep them coming! God bless you!

  6. Thank you for this wonderful article. We love the way you make things real and relatable. We also love the acronym ABC. Indeed, we have to ADMIT we are sinners and repent, BELIEVE in Jesus Christ; and COMMIT to following HIM.

    1. Thank you so much, JRandZen! I love to break God’s Word and the Gospel of Jesus Christ down into its’ simplest parts-I want everyone, children and adults alike, to understand, enjoy, and want to learn more about Jesus Christ and the Bible. The simpler, the better! Haha God bless you!

  7. Thank you for this wonderful article and for sharing your thoughts and insights.

    We love the way you make things real and relatable. We also love the acronym ABC to simplify what we need to be truly restored in Jesus Christ. Indeed, we have to ADMIT we are sinners and repent, BELIEVE in Jesus Christ; and COMMIT to following HIM.

    1. Thank you so much, JRandZen! I love to break God’s Word and the Gospel of Jesus Christ down into its’ simplest parts-I want everyone, children and adults alike, to understand, enjoy, and want to learn more about Jesus Christ and the Bible. The simpler, the better! Haha God bless you!

  8. As always thank you for a great article

    I love your humor as normal and you make me love reading your whole post and draw some lessons which I didnt recognize just by reading the bible alone.

    Indeed excepting Jesus and repenting should be our habit daily and also being grateful for each day and moment, that is what I have learnt because we didnt choose to be here but we were choosen by God.

    1. Thank you so much, Thabo! Life is a gift, and God wants and expects us to use that gift to worship, praise, and bring people to him. We should begin each and every day by repenting of our sins (and truly asking God to help us to stop sinning), truly knowing that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior, committing ourselves to following him, and putting him first in everything. God allowed us to be here, and as such, we have work to do. God bless you!

  9. Hello C.N.,

    I enjoyed reading Fetch Those Flippin’ Fish! I loved that you wrote it in your own style and applied a unique spin on telling the story by including some modern day common lingo. I perused through your website and I like the many works you’ve put together focused on Christianity and how your Biblical remakes pay tribute to the scriptures and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ – The Ultimate Fisherman! I felt it was so appropriate to read and leave a comment about this post since its subject relates to fishing – the niche I chose for my own website.

    Nice work – it’s an entertaining read and I look forward to more of your posts.

    God’s blessings and continued success,
    Oscar B. – Miami, FL

    1. Thank you so much, Oscar! I love Jesus Christ, love to laugh, and love people-why not combine all three for the glory of God? Haha. I want learning about Jesus Christ and the Bible to be as fun, enjoyable, understandable, and relatable as possible, for children and adults alike. I love giving God’s Word a modern-day spin (while still remaining 100% accurate in my accounts of God’s Word). I’m so happy that you enjoyed my story! I’ll definitely keep them coming! God bless you!

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