King David: Royal Rump Shaker

By: C.N.

It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, oh, what a beautiful day! Have you ever felt so good or been filled with such joy that you just wanted to dance? I’m not talking a silent two-step in the corner, where no one can see you; I’m talking running, jumping, leaping, flipping, twisting, bouncing, jerking, and…twerking? Well, maybe not twerking. Haha. When life has given you an endless supply of strawberry cheesecake (yes, baby!), you want the world to know, and you don’t care how crazy you look (says the girl who started breakdancing at Midway Airport when she found $100 in her coat pocket; cha-ching!). We should have this same reaction when we think of God’s goodness toward us. God blesses us in so many ways, both seen and unseen, every single day. If you woke up this morning, if you have a roof over your head, if you have clothes and shoes, if you have food in the refrigerator, if you have hot water, if you have your health, if you have money in your pocket (even if it isn’t a lot), if your loved ones are still here, you should thank God and be ready to dance. God loves us more than we’ll ever know, and when we think of his goodness, we should be ready to do the Electric Slide all over the furniture (kids, don’t get in trouble with your parents. Haha). This brings me to the story of King David in the Bible, who I affetionately call the Royal Rump Shaker.

2 Samuel 6:14 (KJV) reads as follows: And David danced before the Lord with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod.

This verse deserves some context. King David, the second King of Israel, loved God with all of his heart and soul. As a boy, David was a great shepherd, and his initial “claims to fame”  involved his great musical ability (he is believed to have played the harp, psaltery (stringed instrument) and rebec (basically a modern day violin)), as well as “The Great Showdown” when he killed “The Great Dopehead,” Goliath, with a slingshot, a stone, and by cutting off his head (sorry, parents, I had to go there. Haha). God blessed David with great strength (our man actually killed a lion and bear with his bare hands; FLEX!) and ability, and David always knew that God was the driving force behind his success. During the days of Moses (the Jewish prophet who led the enslaved Israelites out of Egypt and across the Red Sea, as well as who God himself gave the Ten Commandments to on Mount Sinai), it is widely believed that Moses had the Israelites build the Ark of the Covenant (a chest built to hold the tablets engraved with the Ten Commandments (i.e. the Commandments were carved into the tablets)) while they were camping in the Sinai desert, after they had fled Egypt (that mean, cruel Egyptian Pharoah). Shortly after the Babylonians captured Jerusalem in 587 B.C. (587 years before the birth of Jesus Christ), the Ark of the Covenant disappared, and no one could find it (call that the greatest game of hide and seek EVER). Then one day, years and years later, the Ark of the Covenant was brought back to Jerusalem (the nation’s capital), and King David was so happy! David started dancing like he didn’t have any home training, and the people around him weren’t the biggest fans of the King of Israel dancing and praising God in such a way (his own wife, Michal, was being a HATER!). Do you think David cared what others thought about his dancing? NOPE! He was having a Holy Ghost party all by himself! You knew that I had to turn this into a modern story, didn’t you? Didn’t you? Haha.

Ain’t No Party Like a Holy Ghost Party!

By: C.N.

Biblical Reference: 2 Samuel 6:14-22 (KJV)

King David: The Ark of the Covenant is here! The Ark of the Covenant is here! Where have you been all of my life? It’s TURN UP TIME! *David begins to dance with all of his might*

Michal (David’s wife): Would you stop that, David!?!? You’re embarrassing me! You’re supposed to be the King of Israel, and you’re running around here WITH NO CLOTHES ON (his linen ephod was, shall we say, close to the hip), dancing and shaking and girating like a fool! Get it together and show a little more professionalism!

King David: No can do, my love! God has been too good to me! He has blessed you and I with great health, great wealth, great strength, all of our material provisions (food, water, clothes, shoes, a roof over their heads, etc.), and the beloved Ark of the Covenant with God’s Ten Commandments have been returned to Jerusalem! Our partnership with God has been restored (not that it was ever lost, but God’s people felt a greater sense of closeness with God in the presence of the Ark of the Covenant)! Give me some room! I’m about to party like it’s 1999 B.C.! Wave you hands in the air, and praise God like you just don’t care! Everybody SCREAAAMMMMMM……GOD IS GOOD!

Michal: Stop it! You need to put some clothes on! You can’t be running around here, dancing in front of our female servants like that. Do you realize how SICK and DISGUSTING that makes you look? Don’t be a pig all of your life, David (wow, Michal, my Dorito/pretzel mix doesn’t have anything on your saltiness. In the words of Archie Bunker from “All in the Family,”  would you stifle yourself, Edith?!)

King David: There’s no shame in my game! What makes me so great that I can’t thank God for his goodness and mercy, and why do I need clothes to praise God? Had it not been for God, I wouldn’t be King of Israel, I wouldn’t have killed Goliath, I wouldn’t have killed the lion and bear with my bare hands, the children of Israel wouldn’t have escaped captivity at the hands of Pharoah, and the list goes on and on and on. We came into the world as naked babes, so we’re not showing off anything that God hasn’t already seen…or created. Besides, our bodies are our temples, God deserves every part of us, and I am going to praise him with all of my being! I don’t need any fancy royal clothing to praise God; we can’t impress God with THINGS-he wants us to love him with our entire heart, mind, body, and soul. I could care less what anyone thinks of me right now. TURN UP!

Michal: What about the female servants?! They don’t want to see all of that! I don’t even want to see that all of the time, and I’m married to you (that was a low blow, Michal! Don’t do that to the man!)!

King David: Relax, my love. It’s not like I’m standing right in front of them and shaking it like a saltshaker; I do have some standards. I’m simply rejoicing and singing praises to my God, and if anyone, male or female, happens to see me, then so be it! I’m not forcing anyone to watch me dance; I’m simply filled with indescribable joy and want to show God the love that he deserves! Break it down, now!

Michal: I can’t…I CANNOT! I can’t deal with you right now. You’re doing too much (being EXTRA, EXTRA, read all about it!). I need my Rocky Road ice cream and General Hospital right now to calm my nerves (sidenote: I have never watched soap opera befores, but people seem to like General Hospital. Haha).

King David: Do whatever your heart desires, Sweetheart. I’ll be in once I’ve given God all that I have, AND THEN SOME! I will worship until I pass out! I will worship until I pass oouttttttttt!!!!

Michal: You-I-can-AHHHHHHHHHH!!! *Michal makes her grand exit*

King David: God is good! God is good! God is good! *David proceeds to shake his royal rump like there’s no tomorrow; I might lose a few pounds just from typing that. Haha*

As we can all see, King David did not care about being dignified in his Heavenly worship. When we think of the goodness of God, through the blood of his son, Jesus Christ, all of us should be ready to dance! I stopped midway through typing this post to do the Stanky Leg and my sad excuse for the Tootsie Roll. Haha. Jesus Christ gave his all for us when he died on Calvary’s cross to save us from our sins; we should give God our all in everything-mind, body, soul, and spirit. The next time that you find yourself overwhelmed with God’s joy, let it out (don’t try to hold it in)! Praise God all day, praise God all night, and shake that rump in the name of Jesus Christ! I love you all!

-C.N.

Uncle Reece-Until I Pass Out (Official Video)(YouTube):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AeiP0vGKhIo