That’s A Good Samaritan!
Could we all stop losing our minds for one second, please?! Put the bats down, step away from the 7-11, and drop the hotdog; you’re not the Tasmanian Devil (though morning breath, unbrushed teeth, and your head looking like Buckwheat might cause me to retract that statement. Haha)! There is a lot going on in the world today, and in light of it all, we must keep our eyes on Jesus. God loved us so much that he sent Jesus into the world to die for our sins, that if we believed in him (Jesus Christ), we would not perish, but have everlasting life (John 3:16). Jesus is love-he was a perfect man who never sinned, yet still loved our nappy-headed behinds (This is not a race joke! I consider all of us sinful scoundrels, regardless of race or hair texture, to be nappy-headed. Haha) enough to die on the Cross for our sins (Hallelujah!). This type of love should make us ready to dance like David in the streets (if the people outside are flipping cars over and hosting unplanned bonfires, dancing in your house is just fine. Haha); we shouldn’t care how crazy we look (I’m so happy in Jesus that you could throw a boomerang at my face, and I’d still be smiling; I’d just have a smile with a few less teeth).
What must we do to inherit this eternal life (live with God Almighty and Jesus in Heaven forever after we die)? Aside from our ABCs (Admit that we’re sinners and ask God for forgiveness; Believe that Jesus Christ died on the Cross for our sins, rose again on the 3rd day, is in Heaven with God Almighty, and is coming back for his children; Commit our lives to following him (live for Jesus the rest of our lives)), Jesus Christ himself answers this question for us through a story. Let us now visit the Parable of the Good Samaritan in the Bible.
In the 10th Chapter of Luke, Jesus is in the middle of his three-year earthly ministry, teaching and preaching about the Kingdom of God (mainly in Galilee and Judea, though also in surrounding areas like Perea and Samaria). As Jesus goes from city to city and town to town (Road trip! I call shotgun!), teaching the people about God’s love, he has a conversation with a lawyer (Aye! Legal field, stand up!), who asks him what he has to do to receive eternal life. Jesus gives the lawyer a pop-quiz (everyone’s favorite!), asking him what the law says about this; the lawyer says that he must love God with all of his heart, soul, strength, and mind, and must also love his neighbor. Jesus is pleased that the lawyer has given the correct answer (say hello to your new car!), but the lawyer is a little confused (and not in a coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs type of way): who is his neighbor? Jesus explains who our neighbor is through the Parable of the Good Samaritan (get your popcorn ready!).
A certain young lad went from Jerusalem to Jericho (Break the walls down! Break down the walls! Sorry. Old wrestling memory. Haha), where he was robbed, beaten, and left for dead by a group of thieves (Oh no they didn’t! Where’s my belt?!). A priest passed by the injured man, but didn’t stop to help him (he walked on the other side-trifling!). Shortly afterwards, a Levite passed by the injured man, but he also didn’t stop to help him (he walked on the other side as well-double trifling!). Shortly after that (the third time is about to be the charm, y’all!), a Samaritan was traveling along the path, and when he saw the injured man on the ground, he stopped and helped him (YES! FINALLY!). The Samaritan, feeling bad for the man and having compassion on him, poured oil and wine on his wounds, bandaged him up, put the man on his donkey, brought him to an inn, and took care of him (That’s my boy right there! Woop! Woop! Woop! Woop!).
The next day, the Samaritan paid the innkeeper two denarii (those ancient dolla-dolla bills, y’all!) to take care of the injured man, and he told the innkeeper to let him know if he (the innkeeper) had to spend more than that to care for the man; the Samaritan promised to reimburse (pay back) the innkeeper for any extra expenses he incurred (Who’s cutting onions right now? I’m not crying! You’re crying! I’m just hot right now! That’s sweat rolling down my face! Yeah…you heard me…it’s sweat. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. Haha). Jesus asked the lawyer which of the three men-the priest, the Levite, or the Samaritan-acted as a neighbor to the injured man; the lawyer correctly answered that the Samaritan was the man’s neighbor, as he showed mercy to the man and helped him in his time of need (Amen!). Jesus simply responded by saying the following:
Luke 10: 37 (KJV)–Go, and do thou likewise.
Jesus told the lawyer to do what the Samaritan did-love, have mercy on, and help those around him-the same thing God wants us to do today. Let’s love one another, help one another, be merciful to one another (not give one another the punishment that we deserve), be gracious toward one another (give one another the good things/blessings that we don’t deserve), and forgive one another (as God forgives us of our sins). MAN! I can’t wait to remix this one! Put your phones and cameras down (the hooplah will still be going on outside once the article’s over. Haha), pop a cold one (water, juice, tea, milk, or pop, kids! None of that funny business!), and let’s dive in! Cannonball!!!! NOTE: I will be utilizing modern-day language, technology, and ways of living in this story, as we’re picturing this happening today.
That’s A Good Samaritan!
Biblical Reference: Luke 10:25-37 (KJV/NIV)
*A group of juvenile delinquents (someone call their mothers!) have just robbed a man and beaten him within an inch of his life; he’s laying on the sidewalk (in that not-so-cute fetal position), in need of immediate medical attention. A few people walk by this unfortunate soul; will he get the help that he needs?*
Injured Man (writhing in pain and bleeding): OUCH! I can’t feel my legs! I can’t feel my legs! I’m going to get those criminals, if it’s the last thing I do! They took my wallet (with his $3.27 in it; I’m just kidding! Haha), my phone, and my keys (took all of his keys-house, mailbox, car; those nimrods just drove off in his new Corolla!)! I’m looking like Hobo Joe right now! I feel like I’ve been run over by a Mac truck! This isn’t fair! Help! Help! Someone please help me!
*A priest is out for a leisurely stroll in the neighborhood, and is approaching the injured man*
Injured Man (writhing in pain and bleeding): Sir?! Sir?! Please help me. I’ve just been robbed and beaten within an inch of my life; they took everything-my wallet, my phone, my car, everything. I need a ride to the hospital. Will you please call an ambulance for me?
Priest (who feels the need to speak in rhymes for some reason): Jesus is King, God is love, all of your help comes from Heaven above. You’re bloody and dirty, not as cute as a dove, I cannot provide the help that you speak of.
Injured Man (writhing in pain and bleeding): What are you talking about, Man?! Why can’t you help me?! I’m bleeding to death right now! I need to get to the hospital immediately! Do you want me to die out here? Please help me!
Priest (still speaking in rhymes for no reason): God is love, Christ is King, if you have him, you have everything. I don’t give rides or make phone calls without some ching-ching (is this fool really talking about gas money right now?!), I must be getting to rehearsal, it’s my night to sing.
*The priest crosses the street and keeps walking. Don’t be surprised if he trips while walking; God doesn’t like ugly. Haha*
Injured Man (writhing in pain and bleeding): I can’t believe him! He probably wasn’t a real priest anyway (with that plastic hat that he stole from Burger King; he’s such a poser. Haha). Help! Someone please help me! I’m about to die. I need a doctor immediately!
*A Levite man is going for his afternoon jog, and approaches the injured man*
Injured Man (writhing in pain and bleeding): Sir?! Sir?! Please help me! I’ve been robbed, beaten, and left for dead. They took everything-my wallet, my phone, my car, everything. I need a ride to the hospital. Would you please call an ambulance for me?
Levite Man (scared to death of the man!): Stay away from me, dude! My parents warned me about people like you! You lie and say that you’re hurt or that you need a ride, I say yes, you get in my car, you pull a gun or some sort of weapon out of your pants, and I end up on ABC News! You’re not about to get me-I wasn’t born yesterday! I’m smarter than a 5th grader and the average bear! Nice try, loser!
Injured Man (writhing in pain and bleeding): Wait! I’m not lying! I really do need help! Please!
Levite Man: I shun you with this rabbit’s foot!
*The Levite crosses the street and jogs on the other side. Watch him run into a light pole. JKJKJK*
Injured Man (writhing in pain and bleeding): Please help me, God. Please help me, Jesus. If you’re there, please help me. I’m about to die right now. I’m sorry for every bad thing that I’ve ever done; please forgive me and help me to do better. I need your help, Jesus.
*A Good Samaritan is driving down the street, when he sees the injured man, leaps out of his car, and goes over to help him-Oh Happy Day! Oh Happy Day!*
Good Samaritan: Oh my goodness! What happened to you, Sir?! I saw you down the street, and I’m here to help you.
Injured Man (writhing in pain and bleeding): Thank you so much! Three guys robbed me, beat me within an inch of my life, and left me for dead. They took everything from me-my wallet, my phone, my car-, and no one has tried to help me.
Good Samaritan: Say no more! I’m taking you to the hospital right now! It’ll be much quicker than waiting for an ambulance. The traffic light is broken, and there aren’t any cops around-I can get away with going 85mph in a 30mph lane (Kids, I don’t suggest breaking the law. Haha Do try to help the man, though. Haha).
Injured Man (in pain, but smiling for the first time today): Thank you so much! Thank you, Jesus!
*The Good Samaritan rushes the man to the hospital, gets him the help that he needs, and stays there until the man is being treated*
Good Samaritan (to the man’s attending doctor and the front desk crew): Good evening, everyone. Here is a check to cover the man’s medical bills up to this point. When you all are done treating him, send me the bill (he gives the doctor and hospital his name, address, and phone number); I will pay his medical bills in full (Bless his heart! He must be rich. Haha). I want him to focus on getting better; I don’t want him to worry about how he’s going to pay his medical bills.
Hospital (everyone at once): Will do (of course you all will. Haha)! Thank you so much! God bless you!
Good Samaritan: Thank you all for treating him. God bless you all as well!
*The Good Samaritan leaves the hospital, feeling convicted by his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, to help the injured man in his time of need. He’s going to pay the man’s medical bills-that vacation to Jamaica may have to wait now (tickets are only $15 right now!). Haha. No worries, though. God will certainly bless him*