Thou Shalt Recognize God’s Power!
THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT (POST MEMORIAL DAY EDITION): Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, I present to you all 5 simple DOs and DON’Ts of life. 1) DO act like you have more sense than a bat wandering aimlessly in broad daylight (I know that bats can see at night. Haha); 2) DON’T act like you don’t have any home training-I know that your parents have taught you something of value; 3) DO treat your fellow human beings with love, dignity and respect; 4) DON’T steal your neighbor’s last piece of sweet potato pie, because you THOUGHT that you were invited to the BBQ; 5) DO take the previous 4 rules seriously, because I DON’T play about my food. That is all.
As children, our parents do their best to take care of us-they go to work, pay the bills, put food on the table, try to make sure that we don’t look like Frankenstein when we go out in public (would you comb that child’s hair?!), protect us, and love us. Our parents know that children are a blessing from God (at least they should), and as such, they consider it an honor and a privilege to raise us (yes you do, parents!). In return, our parents simply ask us to listen to them, love them, do our chores, get good grades in school, and be good kids (don’t you dare have the cops knocking at my door at 3 a.m. because you thought that drawing on government buildings was “fun.” You’ll see a side of me that’s a little less civilized. Haha) . Is that too much to ask? For some kids, it is! I asked you to do your homework, not perform open-heart surgery! Children need to show their parents more gratitude for all that they do for them-attempt to cook breakfast and nearly burn the kitchen down every Saturday, not only on special occasions (you all know that you almost burned the kitchen down back in the day! Don’t deny it! Haha). Just as our parents want us to listen to them to show that we love and appreciate them, God wants us to listen to him to show that we love and appreciate him. This brings us to the story of the Ten Commandments in the Bible.
In my last post, “I See The Red Sea! Pharaoh’s A Weenie!”->https://jesusbedtimestories.com/i-see-the-red-sea-pharaohs-a-weenie/, we explored how God used Moses to help deliver his people, the Israelites, from slavery in Egypt (Pharaoh, you are nothing!). God performed quite the miracle when he parted the Red Sea, allowed Moses and the Israelites (600,000 of them) to cross over safely, and drowned Pharaoh’s entire army (you all get to sleep with the fish now!). God saved the Israelites’ lives and delivered them from slavery-they are now free!!!!! God loved his children and was more than happy to help them, but he wanted to make sure that they appreciated what he did for them. God wanted the Israelites to worship him and him alone (he more than deserved that!), and it was by obeying his laws that Israel could show their appreciation to God and be a holy nation. God wrote the Ten Commandments, by hand, on two tablets of stone, and he gave them to Moses to present to the Israelites on Mount Sinai. These ten laws were to be a guide for how God’s children (both then and now) should behave and live. These Ten Commandments are not the only laws that God gave to Moses, but we are going to focus on these ten for the sake of the post.
The Israelites were antsy to hear back from Moses-he had been gone for a while, they hadn’t had their warm milk, blankets, and afternoon naps yet (they were a little cranky), and they wanted answers NOW! They asked Moses’ brother, Aaron, to build them an altar to worship God-oh, boy. This won’t end well. *Facepalm* Aaron collected offerings of gold from everyone, and these CLOWNS built a golden idol cast, in the shape of a calf, to worship God. Have the Israelites not learned anything from the ten plagues?! You do NOT worship an object, statute, or figure; that is fake god/idol worship, and God is NOT happy about it! Moses suddenly comes down from the mountain, sees his brother and the Israelites worshiping fake idol gods, and completely SNAPS! Moses throws the tablets to the ground, breaking them (KAPOWIE!), destroys the golden calf, and burns it to the ground (Get my popcorn! This is better than a Kung-Fu movie!)! God and Moses discipline the Israelites for their disobedience (Heavenly headbutt! Just kidding. Haha), and God instructs Moses to chisel two new stone tablets to rewrite the Ten Commandments on (God had Moses rewrite the Commandments this time, but God told him what to write). We will now look at all ten of these laws.
God’s Ten Commandments are listed in the 20th Chapter of Exodus. They are as follows (Exodus 20: 3-17 (KJV)):
1) Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. In other words, there is only one true God; the God who sent his darling son, Jesus Christ, to die on the Cross for our sins. All of these other posers might as well tear their little toilet paper thrones up now-they’re flakier than Frosted Flakes. Do NOT worship people (i.e. famous people), statutes, objects, or things (i.e. TV, movies, sports, money); they can’t save you soul, and they won’t save you 15% or more on your car insurance.
2) Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain. In other words, always say God’s name with love, respect, honor, and kindness. Don’t say God’s name in a bad way, to make him look bad, or to make a joke out of him. If you do, you’ve got some ‘plaining to do!
3) Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. In other words, keep the Lord’s Day holy-praying, reading your Bible, going to church, worshiping God. Regardless of whether you consider the Sabbath to be Saturday or Sunday (I will do an article about this at a later time), do not work on the Sabbath if you don’t have to-this day is strictly for God and family. Put the weed wacker away, Junior!
4) Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee. In other words, kids, listen to and be good to your parents; God will give you a long and happy life if you do! Take the garbage out without being asked to (or at least don’t make them have to ask you more than once), and when they tell you that it’s time to take a shower, don’t give them any lip; just do it (you STANK!)!
5) Thou shalt not kill. I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. Don’t kill anyone! The only things you should be killing are the pizza, hot wings and soda during the big game! Yeah, Buddy!!!!
6) Thou shalt not commit adultery. Mature content advisory! Sorry, parents! This one is geared more toward you! Please don’t be upset with me; I’m just sharing what God has told all of us! Don’t have sexual relations with someone else’s husband or wife, and don’t cheat on your husband or wife. Don’t have sexual relations with someone you are not married to (God meant for sex to be between married couples only…prayer, a hobby, and willpower! You can do it!). Our bodies are our temples, and they should be treated as such. There is so much more than I could say about this one, but I’m trying to keep it as PG as possible for the kiddies! Moving on. Haha
7) Thou shalt not steal. In other words, don’t take anything that isn’t yours and/or that you haven’t paid for (like my sweet potato pie!), unless you ask the owner for it and/or pay for it first! Put the Twinkies down!
8) Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. In other words, always tell the truth! God is a God of truth, and he never lies. Now, sure, I understand that we all tell a little white lie sometimes to protect our loved ones and not hurt anyone’s feelings, and God understands this, but if possible, let’s always tell the truth. For example, feel free to tell me that my head looks like I got into a fight with a leaf blower, and the leaf blower won. I need help, y’all! Step one is admitting that I have a problem. I need a comb and some hair gel immediately. Haha
9) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife. Sorry again, parents! Mature content advisory! This ties into the adultery Commandment. Don’t have thoughts/dreams about having sexual relations with a man or woman that you are not married to. As previously noted, God meant for sexual relations to only take place between married couples-if you need to watch 10 straight hours of “The Young and The Restless” or play 10 straight hours of football or Call of Duty to stay cool, you do that! Again, I could say much more about this one, but we’re keeping it PG for the kiddies! Moving on again! Haha
10) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass (it’s a donkey! I didn’t say a bad word. Haha), nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s. This ties into the stealing Commandment, but also deals with jealousy and greed. Do not be jealous or envious of anyone (wanting whom or what they have), do not be greedy (wanting more money, significant others, houses, cars, toys, or things than you need and that don’t belong to you), and don’t try to steal what someone else has because you are jealous, envious, or greedy. Be happy with what God has given you; he loves you and will always give you what you need! I said put the Twinkies down!
NOTE: Some of you may number the Ten Commandments differently, and you may group each Commandment in a different way, but they’re all there! I’m just literate and a messenger; I’m not a mind reader. Haha
Given that the Ten Commandments are more of a list than a story, as well as the fact that I included my modern day thoughts after each Commandment, I will not do a remix of the Ten Commandments. No worries, though! The modern-day remixes shall return tomorrow! I can’t wait! I love you all, God bless you all, and I’ll see you all on the next one!