David Spares Saul (Kill ‘Em With Kindness!)

By: Carletta Traylor aka C.N.

How many of us have ever heard the saying, “Kill Them With Kindness” before (I have! I have! I have! Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!)? For those of you wondering what the blip this saying means, it simply means that we should love and forgive people who have wronged us.

 

Some people are flaming dipsticks (they regularly drink the moron’s milk with their Frosted Flakes in the morning), and as such, they will try to say and do things to hurt us (they want us to break out in a Spongebob Squarepants-style cry-we know how much that sponge can cry! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *Breathe, Spongebob! Breathe! Quick, Patrick! Give him a Krabby Patty and take him jellyfishing!*).

 

While many people want payback against the person (or people) who hurt them, God calls us to be different (simmer down, Karate Kid! No trying to kick the bully’s head off for stealing your lunch money; you might fall and break your own neck. Haha). God wants us to love our enemies, pray for people who use (take advantage of) and persecute (mistreat and abuse) us, and be kind to even the biggest pieces of flying monkey trash (I know that you want to backhand that wild orangutan-looking muskrat into next week, but we must control ourselves! Say “no” to violence, kids! Jesus and I love you. Haha).

 

When we show the love of God to even our worst enemies (i.e. we love and forgive one another as God, through his Son, and our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, loves and forgives us), God will show us mercy (not give us the bad things-punishments-that we deserve), grant us grace (give us good things-rewards/blessings-that we don’t deserve) and he’ll bestow his favor upon us (he will protect us and empower us to do things that we could never do on our own). With this in mind, let’s visit the story of David sparing Saul’s life, shall we (of course we shall!)?

 

In my last post, Jonathan: Daddy, Stop Being Mean To My Friends!, we saw how Israel’s first king, King Saul, was a jealous jamoke (he was such an unfunny clown and full of himself. He had his head so far up his own behind that he could smell last night’s dinner and give himself a colonoscopy. EWWWW! Haha). God Almighty had anointed Saul as Israel’s first king (the Israelites were God’s homies! His buddies! His pals! His people!), but he expected Saul to obey his commands (i.e. Saul needed to listen to God, y’all!).

 

However, Saul started going into business for himself, he started ignoring God’s commands (the last straw was when God told Saul and his army to kill the evil Amalekites and destroy all of their possessions, yet Saul kept King Agag and the best cattle/animals alive), and God took his favor away from Saul and gave it to David-David would become Israel’s second king. Shortly after God anointed David as the next king of Israel, David did the UNTHINKABLE and killed a nearly 10-foot Philistinian giant named Goliath with a slingshot and a few stones (I Eat Giants Like You For Breakfast!)!

 

The Israelites were SHOCKED by this turn of events (the Israelites and Philistinians were in battle, and everyone expected Goliath to flatten those fools like pancakes at IHOP. Haha); they couldn’t believe that David had just killed Goliath (ding-dong, the doofus is dead!)! Little did they know, God had his hand on David, God was showing David great favor, and God was preparing to make David their next king.

 

The Israelites threw David a HUGE parade to celebrate his victory (we’re still talking the Chicago Cubs winning the 2016 World Series after 108 years of NOTHING-levels of excitement, y’all! Jesus and I still love you, White Sox fans. Haha), and King Saul became incredibly jealous (Saul had killed tens of thousands of people, but the Israelites had never thrown him a party like that!). Right then and there, Saul decided to kill David (Daddy, NOOOOO!!!!).

 

Long story short, all of King Saul’s attempts to kill David FAILED MISERABLY. Saul’s own children (his son, Jonathan, and his daughter, Michal…who was married to David!) loved David and helped him to escape; Saul tried to throw a spear at David’s beautiful face, but missed. Saul tried to send three groups of soldiers to find David, but each time that he sent a group out, they ran into Samuel and a group of prophets prophesying (telling the people about the Kingdom of God and warning them to repent of their sins (ask God to please forgive them of their sins-bad things that they say, do, don’t do, and/or think, that God doesn’t like-and to please help them to stop sinning)), God touched the soldiers’ hearts and souls, and they started prophesying as well!

 

When King Saul realized that his men couldn’t find David (Can’t touch this! *Duh-nuh-nuh-nuh, nuh-nuh, nuh-nuh!* Can’t touch this!), Saul decided that he would find and kill David himself (is that right?!?!?!?!). This brings us to the subject of today’s post-the showdown finally goes down!

 

In the 24th Chapter of 1 Samuel (the Holy Bible, God’s Holy Word!), Saul continues to chase after David, and a little birdy tells him that David is in the wilderness of Engedi. As such, Saul rounds up 3,000 of his men (wow, Saul! You really need 3,000 men to chase after one David?! Someone clearly ate that extra SALTY bags of Lays and drank that extra BITTER liter of Hatorade for lunch today! You desperate loser! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Please forgive me, Lord. Please take the wheel, Jesus! Y’all know that I need help. Haha) to go after David.

 

While the Butthead Brigade is searching for David, Saul needs to take a tinkle (even fungus-infested toe rags like Saul need to tinkle once in a while. Haha). As such, Saul goes into a cave by himself to go potty (his 3,000 men are waiting for him outside of the cave), and little does he know that David and David’s 600 men are in that very cave! David’s men suddenly spot Saul in the cave, they immediately tell David that Saul is there, that God has delivered Saul unto David for sweet revenge, and that David should kill Saul.

 

David immediately gets up and goes over to Saul, but instead of killing him, David simply cuts off a corner of Saul’s robe (FUN FACT: Back in 1 Samuel 15:27-28 (KJV), Saul cuts off a corner of Samuel’s robe, and Samuel tells Saul that his kingdom will be taken away from him and given to someone else…that’s David!). 1 Samuel 24: 6-7 (KJV) notes the following:

 

1 Samuel 24: 6-7 (KJV)–And he said unto his men, The Lord forbid that I should do this thing unto my master, the Lord‘s anointed, to stretch forth mine hand against him, seeing he is the anointed of the Lord. So David stayed his servants with these words, and suffered them not to rise against Saul. But Saul rose up out of the cave, and went on his way.

 

That’s right, folks! David had an opportunity to kill Saul and become the next king of Israel right then and there, but David did not want to kill God’s anointed king (Saul), and instead allowed Saul to live and leave the cave. Saul hated David, wanted to kill David, and was in the very act of trying to find David to murder him, yet David allowed Saul to live.

 

David follows Saul outside of the cave, David addresses Saul as “my lord the king,” David bows down before Saul (showing him respect), and David shows Saul the corner of his robe that he had just cut off (it’s show and tell time, kids!). David goes on to tell Saul that God had delivered him (Saul) into his (David’s) hands, and while he (David) could have easily killed Saul without breaking a sweat or a nail (True! True!), he decided to spare Saul’s life. David is not a bad person, nor does he have evil in his heart (i.e. he wasn’t looking to get even with Saul); Saul is running around like a maniac trying to kill David, but David hasn’t done anything to hurt or sin against Saul.

 

Saul suddenly has a Eureka! moment (the lightbulb goes off in the imbecile’s head, y’all!), he began to cry (he had that wet STANK face and everything, y’all!), he recognized that David was a good, honest, righteous (holy and doing what is right) man, and he was relieved to know that David wasn’t going to kill him (though that flaming peasant deserved it. Haha). Saul further recognized that David was going to replace him as Israel’s king, and he humbly asked David to not kill his (Saul’s) family, to not destroy Saul’s legacy (HAHAHAHAHAHA. His “legacy.” HAHAHAHAHA!), and to not make Saul and his family the laughing stocks of Israel. David agreed to protect Saul’s family’s life and dignity (good man), and Saul took his sorry behind home (Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na; Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Goodbye!).

 

What a story! David shows us that when we’ve be touched by God, we are able to love, be kind to, and show mercy, grace and compassion to even the worst of people. Saul wanted to kill David, but David spared Saul’s life, promised to protect Saul and his family’s legacy, and allowed Saul to go home. Due to David’s obedience to God (he listened to God and loved/forgave Saul as God, through Jesus Christ, loves/forgives us), God blessed David greatly (he was quite the king, y’all! Haha).

 

I always like to end my posts by explaining how we all can become saved (party with God Almighty and Jesus Christ in Heaven forever, y’all! Aye! Turn up! Ain’t no party like a Holy Ghost party, ‘cause a Holy Ghost party don’t stop! Party over here! Ooh-ooh! Party over here! Ooh-ooh!). Becoming saved is as simple as ABC:

 

·   Admit that we’re sinners, and ask God to please forgive us of our sins (bad things that we say, do, don’t do, and/or think, that God doesn’t like) and help us to stop sinning (Please clean me up, Lord! I’m hot garbage, dipped in excrement, sprinkled in chitling grease on the inside (just STANKY!)!).

·   Believe that Jesus Christ is God’s son, that he died on the Cross for our sins, that he rose from the dead (3 days later) with all power in his hands, that’s he’s back in Heaven with God Almighty right now, and that he’s coming back to get his children (take all believers home with him to Heaven) and to judge/destroy this wicked world.

·   Commit ourselves to following Jesus Christ (listen to him and live for/like him forevermore).

 

Once we’ve given our lives to Jesus, they will never be the same (they will be a million times better, y’all!)! I can’t wait to see you all in Heaven!

 

Given the length of today’s story, I will not do a modern-day remix of it. No worries, though (I’m not THAT trifling!). I have instead included a wonderful video from Saddleback Kids, which explains the story of David sparing Saul’s life beautifully. I hope that you all enjoy the video!

 

Saddleback Kids-David Serves Saul (1 Samuel 24)(YouTube):

 

If there be nothing else, I love you all, God bless you all, and I’ll see you all on the next one!

 

-Carletta