Elijah: Stop Your Complainin! You’ve

Got Some

‘Plainin’ to Do!

By: Carletta Traylor aka C.N.

We humans always find something to complain about (it’s too hot/cold! Why do we have to do homework over Thanksgiving/Christmas break (oh, the horror!)?! My little brother keeps cutting my hair, setting it on fire, and using the fire to make s’mores (and I don’t even like s’mores!)! Blady, blady, blah! Haha). Whatever the reason, we often find ourselves harping about what we don’t have (often confusing what we want with what we need; they are NOT the same thing) or don’t like (I’m not a fan of tofu burgers either, but I’ll live! Does tofu stand for “tried to fool you?” Haha. I’m kidding! I’m kidding! What you eat is your prerogative. Jesus and I still love you. Haha).

 

When we have a pessimistic mindset, we overemphasize what is wrong, and blatantly ignore what is right (God woke us up this morning, and he didn’t have to do it! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Thank you, Jesus! God is good!).  Incessant (non-stop!) complaining causes us to waste time that we’ll never get back (we don’t have time for that!); this can often distract us and keep us from handling our responsibilities (going to school or work, taking care of our families, taking that God-blessed trash out already! Do you want me to pass out right now?!?! It smells like STANK-a-dank-dank-dank in here!!!! Haha).

 

God put all of us on this earth for a reason; we all have a God-given, God-ordained purpose/calling. God meant for some of us to be doctors and lawyers; God meant for some of us to be preachers and teachers (for the love of God, would someone PLEASE raise these poor teachers’ salaries?! They work hard to educate these inattentive, hardheaded (I mean lovely and engaged) children! I’m just saying! Haha).

 

Whatever our calling, God has given us the necessary resources to do his work; God gave us our gifts to glorify HIM (i.e we are to use our gifts to honor God, praise God, worship God, and point people to God-NOT to ourselves. Get off of your high-horse, Fred! Haha). God expects us to fulfill our callings on this earth (sometime today, Junior!) , and if we’re wasting unnecessary time feeling sorry for ourselves (throwing ourselves a good ol’ fashioned pity party, y’all! Where’s the ridiculously small violin?! Haha), God will speak to us to get us back on track (I love you with all of my heart and soul, dear child, but GET BACK TO WORK! Haha jkjkjk…sort of. Haha). This brings us to the story of God speaking to Elijah in the Bible.

 

In one of my earlier posts, Witches Get Stitches!, we explored the wicked deeds of Doofus Dipstick and Braindead Bat, aka King Ahab and Queen Jezebel (I use the terms “king” and “queen” loosely with these flaming morons. Haha). King Ahab and Queen Jezebel were vile, horrible people-they worshipped Satan (through Baal and his consort, Ashera), had employed 850 Baal-worshipping prophets (Satan-inspired minions (and not the cute, cuddly, yellow kind from the Despicable Me movies) who spewed hot, Satan-loving garbage from their diarrhea holes-EWWWWW!!!!) to corrupt the Israelites (the Israelites were God’s chosen people, and these imbeciles were trying to turn them away from God Almighty (Father of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ), and toward Satan), and they did everything in their power to disrespect, dishonor, and (in their own, warped minds) eliminate God from the country of Israel (you can’t get rid of God; God can get rid of you!).

 

The Scum of the Earth Society (I mean, Ahab and Jezebel) went on a demonic killing spree throughout Israel, killing all of God’s prophets (God-inspired teachers who taught the people about the will and Kingdom of God)…except for Elijah. Elijah is known as God’s greatest prophet, and he (with God’s help, of course) single-handedly killed 450 of Jezebel’s Baal-worshipping prophets with fire (Like a boss! Haha). Elijah would tell Ahab and Jezebel about themselves (he wasn’t scared, y’all! He had God Almighty on his side! Holy Ghost FLEX!), correctly predicting that a famine (no rain or food for YEARS, y’all!) would ravage Israel, among other things (even predicting the gruesome death of Jezebel years later-she was eaten by dogs, y’all! They liked their bacon extra crispy! I need to behave. Haha. This would straighten Ahab out, though! He humbled himself, started wearing “common folk clothing,” started fasting, began living a normal life, and he realized that he was in need of God’s forgiveness, grace and mercy).

 

Before Jezebel’s gruesome death and Ahab’s lifestyle change, however, they wanted to kill Elijah-his “wonderful” news about the upcoming famine, coupled with his public shamings of them (you two are no good pieces of trash! Repent of your sins (sins are bad things that we say, do, don’t do, and/or think, that God doesn’t like; we repent of our sins by asking God to please forgive us of our sins and help us to stop sinning) and turn to God NOW!), made them very angry. Jezebel threatened to kill Elijah within 24 hours, and from that moment on, Elijah was on the run.

 

Now to 1 Kings, Chapter 19. Elijah was on the run from Jezebel (that wicked witch of the West!), and he first dropped his servant off in Beersheba (they didn’t have cars back then, y’all! They had their feet and horses! Giddy up!), before he himself ran into the wilderness (the journey took an entire day, y’all!). When Elijah arrived in the wilderness, he was miserable and in utter despair. 1 Kings 19:4 (KJV) notes the following:

 

1 Kings 19:4 (KJV)-But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers. 

 

That’s right, folks! Elijah wanted to die. He was all alone in the wilderness (all of God’s other prophets had been killed), he was tired and hungry, and he feared for his life. While Elijah was asleep under a juniper tree, God spoke to him in a marvelous way:

 

1 Kings 19:5-8 (KJV)-And as he lay and slept under a juniper tree, behold, then an angel touched him, and said unto him, Arise and eat. And he looked, and, behold, there was a cake baken on the coals, and a cruse of water at his head. And he did eat and drink, and laid him down again. And the angel of the Lord came again the second time, and touched him, and said, Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee. And he arose, and did eat and drink, and went in the strength of that meat forty days and forty nights unto Horeb the mount of God.

 

Won’t God do it, y’all?! In response to Elijah’s death request, God miraculously fed him-he had meat, cake and water for days-; God knew that Elijah had a taxing (very difficult; physically and emotionally draining) journey ahead, and Elijah would need to keep his strength up to complete it. As Elijah was on his way to the mount of Horeb (where God meant for him to be), he stopped at a cave and decided to stay there. God definitely took notice, and as such, God asked Elijah the following question:

 

1 Kings 19:9 (KJV)-And he came thither unto a cave, and lodged there; and, behold, the word of the Lord came to him, and he said unto him, What doest thou here, Elijah?

 

What are you doing here, Elijah?! God didn’t tell you to stop at any flipping caves! Get to Horeb! This isn’t halftime (come on, Bears! Haha)! You have work to do (move it along, slacker! Push that tush! Push that tush! Haha)! Elijah responded to God in kind:

 

1 Kings 19:10 (KJV)-And he said, I have been very jealous for the Lord God of hosts: for the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.

 

Elijah had a reasonable gripe-the Israelites had turned their backs on God (despite all that God had done for them. Please refer to one of my earlier posts, I See The Red Sea! Pharaoh’s A Weenie!, for more details. Haha), Ahab and Jezebel had all of God prophets killed, and he (Elijah) was the only one left. Why should he have to suffer alone? Why can’t he just die and be put out of his misery?

 

God knew exactly what Elijah needed, a personal encounter with God himself. As such, God Almighty revealed himself to Elijah. God didn’t appear to Elijah in a grand, dramatic fashion (as he had done previously)-he didn’t appear in the wind, an earthquake, or a fire. Instead, God appeared to Elijah in the quiet whisper of a small voice. God’s whispers speak VOLUMES (we can hear him loudly and clearly! No megaphones needed!), as Elijah immediately got up and exited the cave.

 

Once Elijah was outside of the cave, God once again asked him why he was there (instead of doing the work that he (God) had given him (Elijah) to do). Elijah once again complained about the Israelites turning their backs on God (those unfunny clowns acted like they didn’t have any home training, y’all! They DISGUST me!!!! Haha jkjkjk), Ahab and Jezebel killing all of God’s prophets, and he himself being alone and scared for his life.

 

God instructed Elijah to return to the wilderness of Damascus (meat, cake and water for everyone! Aye! Haha), and he assured Elijah that he had nothing to worry about. Hazael would become the next king of Syria; Jehu would become the next king of Israel (Oh, happy day (oh, happy day!)! Oh, happy dayyyyyy!!!); Elisha would become God’s next great prophet after Elijah (Elijah would mentor Elisha to take his place once he (Elijah) “passed away” (we’ll talk about that in a later post!). If Satan’s idiot brigade escaped death from Hazael; Jehu would kill them. If Jehu didn’t kill those fungus-infested toe rags, Elisha would kill them (ding-dong, the dipstick is DEAD! Hahahaha! I love it!). Satan’s lackies would not escape God’s wrath! Hallelujah!

 

God also informed Elijah that he wasn’t alone; God had left 7,000 of his faithful followers in Israel (YASSSSSSSSS!). Like Elijah, these saints would not turn their backs on God, they would not bow down to Baal, and they would not sell out to the satanic regime. Elijah has friends! Elijah has friends! God will always have people to spread his truth, y’all (that’s the Gospel of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! John 14:6 (KJV)-Jesus Christ is the way, the truth, and the life, and no man cometh unto the Father (God Almighty in Heaven), but by him (by Jesus and Jesus alone! Jesus is the ONLY way to Heaven!)! We’re never alone!

 

Elijah felt better (he finally snapped out of it, y’all! Haha), and he knew that he had to be about God’s business. As such, Elijah (per God’s commands) found Elisha working (he was in the field, plowing with twelve yoke of oxen), and Elijah immediately called Elisha into the ministry (What’s good, Elisha?! Let me holla at you, playa! What you’re doing right now is fine and dandy, but God has bigger plans for you. Put down your plow, and pick up the Word of God; you’re going to become God’s next great prophet. He has sent me to mentor you and prepare you for the work ahead. Let’s get busy!!!!). Elisha immediately kissed his parents goodbye, went with Elijah, returned home to cook for and feed the people (good man! I love a man who cooks! Haha), and proceeded to follow and learn from Elijah.

 

I absolutely love this story! When God has work for us to do, he’ll always make sure that we have what we need-we NEVER have to worry about that. Though our faith will be tested at times, and though we may find ourselves in “less than flattering” predicaments, if we keep our eyes on God (through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ), he will take care of us! Life is short; let’s be about God’s business NOW!

 

Given the length of today’s story, I will not do a modern-day remix of it. Never fear, though! I can’t leave my people hanging (that would be so trifling of me! Haha)! I have included a wonderful video from Crossroads Kids’ Club, summarizing the story of God and Elijah beautifully. Pop a squat, grab some popcorn and soda, and enjoy the show!

 

Crossroads Kids’ Club-God’s Story: Elijah (YouTube):

 

I hope that you all enjoyed today’s post (I certainly did. Haha)! There are plenty more where that came from! Until next time, I love you all, God bless you all, and I’ll see you all on the next one!

 

Carletta