Jesus Loves Dunking Booths!

By:  Carletta Traylor aka C.N.

Smart aleck alert! Smart aleck alert! For those of us with children (I don’t have any ungrateful brats….I mean…sweet little angels. Haha), especially children who are currently doing their schooling online (if you don’t get your STANK behind in the shower and brush your teeth in the next 10 minutes, I will stick my foot so far up your behind, you’ll be throwing up my toenail polish as blood! Stifle yourself, Carletta! Please forgive me, Lord! Take the wheel, Jesus! Haha), it doesn’t take long for them to act like they don’t have any home training.

 

I don’t want to get up for school! I don’t want to do my homework! I don’t care if I look like Don King’s lost Chia Pet on camera (don’t make me embarrass you in front of your friends. I like to laugh too. Haha)!

 

Whenever your children make you want to drop them off in the middle of Arizona somewhere (it’s only a “dry heat!” Yeah?  So is a BLOW TORCH!), pray, pray some more, get into God’s Holy Word (that’s fancy talk for the Holy Bible. Haha), and have faith that God will turn those little demons (I mean, darlings. Haha) around. Given that we’re in the season of learning (and as the McDonalds slogan reminds us, “Ba-da-ba-ba-baaaaa….parents are LOVIN’ it!”), let’s visit the story of Jesus teaching Nicodemus how to get into Heaven, shall we?

 

In the 3rd Chapter of John, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ (our big homie!), is in the middle of his three-year earthly ministry, teaching and preaching about the Kingdom of God. While Jesus has gained many followers (due to his teachings and wondrous miracles), he has also gotten the attention of the Pharisees (those self-righteous weenies!), who feel threatened by Jesus’s rising popularity (they’re bathing in the Hatorade, y’all!).

 

For those of you wondering who the frick the Pharisees are (my mouth is as clean as a whistle! I’m a kid-friendly Carletta, y’all! Haha), they represent a group of religious Jews (from WAYYYY back in the day. They’re so dusty, they’re antiques now. Haha jkjkjk I need to behave. Haha) who strictly believed in obeying the religious laws of the day. The Pharisees (LOSERS!) believed that only THEY knew what the laws meant and how to correctly follow them; they thought that they were better than everyone else, and that everyone else was ignorant, sin-loving scum under their dusty sandals (they called themselves the only religiously “clean” Jews in the land. Wow! They’re smelling their behinds HARD right now! Their heads are so far up their own keisters, they’re giving themselves a colonoscopy! EWWW! Haha).

 

With this in mind, the Pharisees hated the fact that the Israelites were listening to Jesus’s teaching about the Law, what it meant, and how to properly follow it. Jesus taught the people to repent of (turn away from) their sins (bad things that we say, do, don’t do, or think, that are not pleasing to God Almighty in Heaven), sin no more (no more sinning, Fred!), believe that Jesus was who he said he was (God’s son, sent from Heaven to save the world. Jesus was God in the flesh-to have seen Jesus was the same as seeing God Almighty), and follow/listen to Jesus, so that they would go to Heaven when they passed away. This teaching (which was the truth and 100% FACT, y’all!) went against what the Pharisees taught, and as such, they hated Jesus and wanted him dead (we explored his death in an earlier post, “Jesus + A Tree=I’ve Been Set Free!”).

 

One Pharisee, however, Nicodemus, actually believed in Jesus, and wanted to learn more about him and how he could inherit the Kingdom of Heaven one day (i.e. he wanted to know how to get into Heaven). This brings us to today’s story.

 

Nicodemus visited Jesus during the night (he feared being seen with Jesus in broad daylight; bump those punk Pharisees! Haha) and acknowledged that Jesus was a “teacher” sent from God; Jesus had performed miracles that no one could perform without God being with him. Jesus replied by telling Nicodemus the following:

 

John 3:3 (KJV)- Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

 

Nicodemus seemed more confused that Ru Paul on a daily basis, and he asked Jesus what he meant by being “born again.” Would Nicodemus have to go back into his mother’s womb (her stomach, kids!) and be born again (Lord knows his mother had a hard time pushing his big head out the first time. Haha)? Jesus explained that one way to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven is to be “born of water and of the Spirit” (John 3:5 (KJV)); that is, we must be baptized (dunked in that freezing cold (sometimes warm) water, y’all! It’s a divine dunking booth! Fabio doesn’t have a thing on my wet hair in slow motion! Wapow! Hello! Haha) in the name of the Father (God Almighty), of the Son (Jesus Christ), and of the Holy Spirit (the Holy Spirit, which lives within us to guide us when we accept Jesus into our lives and hearts as our Lord and Savior).

 

Nicodemus still couldn’t wrap his mind around this idea of being “born again.” Let’s think of it this way: when we repent of our sins and ask Jesus into our lives as our Lord and Savior, we become new creatures. Our old sins and ways of living are washed away; we are made brand new. When we are baptized, we are dunked into a pool of water and brought back up again-our old selves, lives, and sins have been “washed” away; we are now clean, pure, and spotless in God’s eyes, and may inherit the Kingdom of Heaven (AYE! Holy Ghost turn up! Pop the Juicy Juice, y’all! Haha).

 

Nicodemus asked Jesus how a grown man (real men have peach fuzz! Wait, that’s not right. Haha) could be born again. Jesus, knowing that Nicodemus was a Pharisee, and having the wonderful sense of humor that he does, asked Nicky the following question:

 

John 3:10 (KJV)–Jesus answered and said unto him, Art thou a master of Israel, and knowest not these things?

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! In other words, Nicky, Jesus wants to know how you can call yourself a teacher and leader in Israel (God’s people!), yet you don’t know what it means to be born again. Pay attention next time, Junior! Jesus goes on to ask Nicodemus how he (Nicky) can believe the heavenly things that he (Jesus) tells him, if he (Nicky) doesn’t believe the earthly things that he (Jesus) tells him. Jesus came from Heaven (God’s only begotten son, whom God the Father sent to Earth to teach us about the Kingdom of Heaven and to eventually die on the Cross for our sins. Thank you, Jesus! Praise God! Hallelujah!), and in order for Nicodemus (or any of us) to see Heaven one day, we must follow John 3:16 (KJV)(one of the most well-known passages of scripture in the entire Bible):

 

John 3:16 (KJV)–For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

 

Seeing Heaven one day is as simple as ABC:

• Admit that we’re sinners (and repent of/turn away from our sins);
• Believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ (believe that Jesus Christ is God’s son, that he died on the Cross for our sins, that he rose from the dead (3 days later) with all power in his hands, that’s he’s in Heaven with God Almighty, and that he’s coming back to get his children and to judge/destroy this world);
• Commit ourselves to following Jesus Christ (listen to him and live like him/follow him the rest of our lives).

 

Jesus taught Nicodemus the most important lesson that he’d ever learn in his life (no offense to all of you teachers out there. We love you! Haha). Just as Jesus wanted Nicodemus to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven over 2,000 years ago, he wants all of us to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven today (parents, don’t dunk your kids’ heads into the sink, bathtub or toilet to “baptize” them and prove a point. They’ll get their math homework done after dinner! Haha).

 

While we’re helping our kiddies with their homework (and trying our hardest not to chuck their malfunctioning tablets out the window. Breathe! Haha), let us take God’s words seriously: Heaven is cool, and Hell is hot, if you’re in Heaven, you’re awesome, and if you’re in Hell, you’re NOT! Haha.

 

I will not do a modern-day remix today, but never fear! I’m St. Gigglelas, and I come bearing gifts (I can’t leave my people hanging! That would be trifling of me! Haha)! Below is a great video from Sharefaith Kids entitled “Nicodemus Reborn,” which explains the story of Jesus and Nicodemus beautifully (I love these things!). Pop a squat, grab some popcorn, crack open a can of the good Pepsi, and enjoy the video! I love you all, God bless you all, and I’ll see you all on the next one!

-Carletta

Sharefaith Kids, “Nicodemus Reborn-John 3” (YouTube):