Wash Those Royal Feet!

By: Carletta Traylor aka C.N.

Pretentious people are funny to me. Don’t we all just love it when people think that they’re so great, so important, so smart, like their “you know whats” don’t stink? These are the dipsticks who think the world revolves around them, that the sun doesn’t shine until they wake up, that they’re so much better than everyone else (they’re too “good” to hang around “common folk”), and that the general population should bow down and kiss their smelly, disgusting, corn and bunion infested feet (no thank you, clown! I actually enjoyed my breakfast this morning. Haha).

 

I sometimes have an INCREDIBLE urge to tell these people to get off of their high horses (you think that you’re all of that and a bag of chips, but you’re not even 1/8th of that and a half-eaten Dorito! Haha), but I instead choose to pray for them.

 

Regardless of who we are (or who we THINK we are), God Almighty looks at all of us the same way. We are all sinners (we all say, do, don’t do, or think things that we shouldn’t, that dishonor and disrespect God), and as such, we are all in need of God’s mercy (not giving us the punishment-bad things-that we deserve), grace (giving us blessings-good things-that we don’t deserve), and forgiveness (please forgive us of all of our sins, Lord, in the mighty name of Jesus Christ we pray, give thanks, and ask it all, Amen).

 

As John 3:16 (KJV) reminds us, God loved us so much that he sent his darling son, Jesus Christ, to die on the Cross for our sins, that if we would trust and believe in Jesus, we would not perish (we wouldn’t just go to crud when we die), but have everlasting life (we’ll be with Jesus Christ in Heaven forever!!!!! Holy Ghost party time! Break it down now!). God loves each and every one of us equally; he doesn’t play favorites, we’re all equally valuable in his eyes, and he wants to have a close, intimate, and eternal (FOREVER!!!!!) relationship with us all, through his darling son, and our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

 

When we repent of our sins (ask God to forgive us of our sins, clean us up, and help us to stop sinning), believe in Jesus Christ, ask Jesus into our lives as our Lord and Savior, and follow Jesus the rest of our lives, we are saved-we’ll be in Heaven forever, y’all! Ain’t no party like a Holy Ghost party, ‘cause a Holy Ghost party don’t stop! Party over here! Ooh-ooh! Party over here! Ooh-ooh! Haha.

 

With this in mind, let us visit the story of the woman washing Jesus’s feet, shall we?

 

In the 7th Chapter of Luke, Jesus is in the middle of his three-year earthly ministry, teaching and preaching about the Kingdom of God. Along the way, one of the Pharisees, Simon (we remember those flaky fruit roll-ups from my last post, “Jesus Loves Dunking Booths!”), invites Jesus to his house for dinner, and Jesus accepts the invitation (our Lord and Savior has to eat! Saving the world makes a man hungry!).

 

While Jesus and his disciples are eating with Simon, a sinful woman, who knew that Jesus was in Simon’s home, walks up behind Jesus with an alabaster box of ointment. The woman stands at Jesus’s feet, she begins to cry, and she proceeds to wash Jesus’s feet with her own tears, dry Jesus’s feet with her own hair, she kisses his feet, and she anoints his feet (showing that he is holy/divine) with the ointment that she brought with her.

 

Let’s take a brief pause here. During these times, a woman was not “supposed” to interrupt an all-male gathering (the boys’ club!) without first receiving permission to do so. If a woman invited herself to an all-male gathering (whether a dinner, meeting, party, or otherwise) without permission, she was viewed as being “radical,” “disrespectful,” a “rebel,” and a “troublemaker,” among other things. The sinful woman here did the very thing that she was not “supposed” to do-she barged in on a dinner between Jesus (a man), his disciples (all men), and Simon (a man), without receiving permission to. She’s a rough rider (I love it! Haha)! Let’s see how things play out. Haha.

 

Simon watched the woman wash and anoint Jesus’s feet, and he kept thinking to himself that if Jesus were a prophet (a man sent from God to deliver a message from God), he’d know how sinful this woman was (she was trifling! Haha jkjkjk), and wouldn’t allow her to touch him. Jesus knew what Simon was thinking (he’s God in the flesh! He knows what we’re thinking before we think it! He’s gifted like that! Haha), and decided to teach him a lesson (and everyone there, for that matter).

 

Jesus asked Simon the Pharisee (more like Simon the Seaweed. Haha) the following question:

 

Luke 7:41-42 (KJV)-There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty. And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?

Simon was slightly smarter than the average bear, and he correctly answered that the person who owed more (and thus, was forgiven more) would love the creditor the most. Jesus followed up on Simon’s response by saying the following:

 

Luke 7:44-50 (KJV)-And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head. Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet. My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment. Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little. And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven. And they that sat at meat with him began to say within themselves, Who is this that forgiveth sins also? And he said to the woman, Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace.

 

Shut your pie-hole, Simon! You’ve just been royally served (Simon says he’s a raging moron. Haha. jkjkjk Please forgive me, Lord. Haha)! Jesus explains to Simon that he, as the “gracious” host, didn’t even bother to give him water for his feet (Jesus and his disciples walked around in sandals, in the hot sun all day. Their feet were dirty, dusty, and tired), but this woman washed his feet with her tears, wiped his feet with her hair (she must have really loved Jesus, because y’all know how we women are about our hair! Haha), kissed his feet continuously, anointed his feet with ointment (which Simon’s deadbeat behind didn’t even attempt to do! Haha. I’m sorry, fellas. I’ll give Simon a break…eventually. Haha), and worshipped him.

 

Jesus further notes that given the woman’s selfless acts of faith, love, adoration, and worship, she has been forgiven of all of her sins (take that, Simon! Your head is stuck so far up your own behind that you’re giving yourself a colonoscopy! Ewwwww! That’s nasty! Haha). Jesus forgave the woman of her sins, told her that her faith (belief in him) had saved her, and told her that she could leave in peace (knowing that she would be with Jesus in Heaven forever, y’all! YAASSSSSS, baby!).

 

Simon and the other dinner guests wondered who Jesus was, that he could forgive people of their sins. In the words of WWF wrestler, Road Dogg, “Oh, you didn’t know? Your [behind] better call somebodyyyyy!!!!!!!!!” Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior, God the Father’s (God Almighty’s) son, God in the flesh, the man who would die on Calvary’s Cross to save us from our sins, that if we would trust and believe in him, we would not perish, but have everlasting life (quoting John 3:16 (KJV) again. It’s so nice, I had to say it twice! Haha).

Jesus showed us that no matter who we are, what we’ve done, or how long we’ve done it for, if we give our lives to him, he CAN and WILL save us (Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Thank you, Jesus! God is good!). I wonder how things would have played out if this story took place today? Without further ado, grab your parkas (WHY is it snowing in October?!?!?!?!?! Haha), heat up the hot chocolate, and let’s get to remixing!!!!! NOTE: I will be utilizing modern-day language, technology, and ways of living in this story, as we’re picturing this happening today.

 

Wash Those Royal Feet!

By: Carletta Traylor aka C.N.

Biblical Reference: Luke 7:36-50 (KJV)

*Simon, a Pharisee, has invited all of his boys (his homies!) over to his house to watch the Bears vs. Packers game (Da Bears all day, BABY! Sorry, Packers fans. Jesus and I still love you. Haha). Among the guests are Jesus Christ and his twelve disciples. Though Jesus doesn’t care much for sports, he was tired, hungry (Simon had the hot wings, chips, and sodas on deck!), and considered this gathering a perfect opportunity to teach his new friends about love and the Kingdom of God.

Simon didn’t invite any women over for the game (he’s one of those doofuses that thinks that women don’t know anything about sports. Okay, Simon. You just keep thinking that and wondering why you’re still single. Haha jkjkjk I need to behave. Haha), so it was a shock and surprise when Trixie (let’s just say that she was “overly friendly” with guys) showed up at his house with a bucket of soap, hot water (with Epsom salt in it), and lavender-scented anointing oil. She stood behind Jesus, began to cry, and proceeded to wash his feet with her tears, soap, and hot water, dry his feet with her long, luscious hair (Oh! The hair!), and she anointed his feet with her lavender-scented anointing oil (showing that Jesus was holy and divine).

Simon wasn’t impressed by Trixie’s gestures (who cares what that loser thinks?! BUMP Simon! Haha jkjkjk Please forgive me, Lord. I need help. Haha), and he started hating on her HARD in his thoughts (ease up on the Hatorade, Simon! You’re not a gold medal; you’re a participation trophy, Bruh. Haha jkjkjk)*

Simon (in his head): I thought Jesus was supposed to be a prophet, man. If he’s this Heaven-sent man of God like he says he is (he is God, you sensitive snowflake! Haha), he should already know that Trixie has been with every John, Phil, Doug, Tommy, Brandon, and Greg in the neighborhood. There’s no telling what disease she has. That girl is nasty. He shouldn’t allow her hands anywhere near him.

*Jesus knew what Simon was thinking before he thought it, and he proceeds to teach Simon a lesson in forgiveness of sin and humility*

JESUS CHRIST: Simon, I have somewhat to say unto thee (Jesus has something to say, y’all!).

Simon: Yes, Master?

JESUS CHRIST: There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty. And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?

Simon: I think that the cat who owed 500 pence would love the creditor more, because the creditor forgave him of a larger debt.

JESUS CHRIST: Thou hast rightly judged (congratulations, Simon! That’s the correct answer, but you’re still not smarter than a 5th grader!).

*Jesus turns to Trixie and continues to make his point to Simon and the others*

JESUS CHRIST: Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head. Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet. My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment.

Simon (sounding pathetic, as usual): I’m sorry, Jesus! I don’t know what I was thinking (at least you’ve finally admitted that you weren’t thinking, you jamoke!)! I wasn’t trying to be bogus or anything. Would you like your hair washed? I’ll wash it for you right now! Let me just grab a bucket-.

JESUS CHRIST: That won’t be necessary, Simon. Just listen.

Simon (feeling embarrassed and nervous): Yes, Master.

JESUS CHRIST: Wherefore I say unto thee, her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little. Trixie, thy sins are forgiven.

Trixie (eternally grateful): Thank you so much, my Lord! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I love you with all of my heart and soul, Jesus. I worship you! I praise you! I will bless your holy name forevermore!

*Simon and the others wondered who this Jesus was, that he could forgive Trixie of her sins? I’ll tell you who Jesus is! Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior, God the Father’s (God Almighty’s) son, God in the flesh, the man who would die on Calvary’s Cross to save us from our sins, that if we would trust and believe in him (i.e. have faith in him), we would not perish, but have everlasting life (we’ll party with God the Father (God Almighty), God the Son (Jesus Christ), and God the Holy Spirit (the Holy Spirit) in Heaven forevermore!!!!!)! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Thank you, Jesus! God is good!*

JESUS CHRIST (to Trixie): Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace.

Trixie: Thank you, my Lord! I shall do as you say!

*Trixie leaves the house, Simon and his guests are shocked by what they’ve just witnessed, Jesus’s heart is overjoyed by Trixie’s selfless acts of faith, love, adoration, and worship, and the Bears are winning with 5 minutes left in the 4th quarter, 23-20! Sorry again, Packers fans! I have to show love for my Bears! DA BEARS! Brian Urlacher was a WINNER!!! Brett Favre was decent. Haha.*

God loves us all, wants a relationship with us all (through faith in his son, and our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ), and will forgive us of our sins, if we’ll just repent and believe in him. I hope that you’ve all enjoyed today’s post! I love you all, God bless you all, and I’ll see you all on the next one!

-Carletta