King Solomon: The Baby Whisperer!

By: Carletta Traylor aka C.N.

Women are crazy, they cause you to lose sleep; they get too excited ‘bout nonsense for me (and I’m a woman. Haha); Whoa oh-oh, crazy, and the thrill’s not right, I might just snap like fingers if you keep me up all night (and yes, I did just remix Britney Spears’ song, “You Drive Me Crazy.” I’m not the same person I used to be; don’t judge me! Haha). It’s Day#2 of my “Are These Women Crazy?!” series, y’all (I’m so excited!)! On Day#1 of this series, we explored when Jesus visited Mary and Martha at their home (“Don’t Be A Distracted Ditz!”->https://jesusbedtimestories.com/dont-be-a-distracted-ditz/); while Mary had the sense of a bat and chose to sit at Jesus’s feet and learn from him (I always knew that I liked Mary. Haha), Martha was too worried about serving the food (do you not see Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, the Messiah of the world, sitting in your living room?! Put the tray down! We’ll spit up your food and serve it to the dog on the “hush-hush” later on. Haha). The Bible is full of “women gone wild” y’all (and we’re not talking Cancun or polka dot bikinis, either! Haha)! As if scatterbrained Suzy wasn’t goofy enough (no offense to anyone named Suzy. Haha), we now have two women (one normal woman, and one cornball crazie) fighting over a baby (Lord Jesus, please help us all. Haha). This brings us to the story of King Solomon and the baby in the Bible.

 

As some of you might recall from one of my earlier posts, “You’re A Wise Sunflower, Solomon,”->https://jesusbedtimestories.com/youre-a-wise-sunflower-solomon/), Solomon became the King of Israel at a very young age (look at that peach fuzz on his chin, y’all! You don’t need to shave, boy! No one can see that one little chin hair. Haha). Solomon believed in and prayed to God, and while he could have asked God for anything (most kings asked for fame and fortune), Solomon asked God for wisdom to know right from wrong, to make the right decisions, and to please God in how he led God’s people (the Israelites). In other words, Solomon knew that he didn’t know what he was doing as King, and he asked Daddy for help (that boy was smart! Haha). God was extremely happy with Solomon’s prayer (that’s my boy!), and he blessed Solomon to be the wisest man who has ever lived (of course, not wiser than Jesus Christ or God Almighty himself, but the wisest man among us common folk. Haha). To whom much is given, much is required. God immediately put Solomon’s wisdom to the test, and in come the looney ladies!

 

In the 3rd Chapter of 1 Kings, King Solomon is confronted by two women of the night (they were scandalous, y’all! Haha); they lived in the same house (just the two of them) and were both mothers to infant sons (dawww, he’s so cute! I could just pinch his widdle cheeks! He might slap me though-who are you, fool?! Don’t touch me! WACK! Haha). In a tragic accident, one of the babies died when his mother accidentally laid on and smothered him (how do you “accidentally” smother your baby?! I should “accidentally” crash through your living room wall with my 18-wheeler. Whoops! My bad! Haha); the mothers are now fighting over which of them is the living baby’s mother (TNT doesn’t have anything on this drama!). The first woman claims that the second woman smothered her son, switched the babies while the first woman slept, and when she (the first woman) woke up to breastfeed her baby, she realized that the baby 1) wasn’t her son, and 2) was dead. In classic Jerry Springer/Maury fashion (I don’t even watch those shows. Haha), the second woman denied these allegations and claimed that the living baby was hers (King Solomon has his hands full, y’all! This must have been the inspiration for Brandy & Monica’s hit song, “The Boy Is Mine.” Haha).

 

King Solomon had a seemingly early “Are These Dudes Nuts?!” moment when he suggested getting a sword and cutting the living baby in half-give half of the baby to the first mother, give half of the baby to the second mother (WHATTTTTTTT?!?!?!?!?! Over my dead body, scrub! King or not, I’m going to jail if you touch my child! Haha). No worries, though; Solomon was just bluffing (he wasn’t going to make such a RIDICULOUSLY STUPID decision; God had just given him wisdom, and he wasn’t going to squander it that quickly. Haha). Solomon was using this tactic to see how the two women would react-he knew that the true mother would react very differently than the impostor would (Amen!).

The mother of the living child begged King Solomon not to kill her son, and to just give her son to the other woman–she wanted to spare her baby’s life. The impostor mother, on the other hand, didn’t want either of them to have the baby, and wanted King Solomon to go ahead and kill the baby (oh no she didn’t! If I were there, I would’ve shoved my foot so far up her backside, she would’ve been throwing up my toenail polish as blood! No one kills my baby! Haha). King Solomon now knew who the true mother was, and ordered that the baby be given back to his mother, unharmed (Hallelujah! Thank you, Jesus! God is good!). God had given Solomon great wisdom, and he used it to save a young boy’s life (I would like to know what happened to the impostor mother, though. I have a bag of slaps for her. May the tushy thrashing commence! Haha).

 

BOY! Some of these women are coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs, y’all! I thought that I was crazy, but these lunatics make me seem halfway sane (not fully sane, but halfway. Haha)! This modern-day remix is calling my name, y’all (write me, Carletta! Write me, Carletta! You know that you want to! You know that you do!)! I’m here for you, baby. I wonder how this story would have played out had it happened today? Pour up your Fruit Loops (I know that some of y’all just woke up! Don’t deny it! Haha), get in front of the AC (we’re all hot and bothered in less than exciting ways. Haha), and let’s get to remixing! NOTE: I will be utilizing modern-day language, technology, and ways of living in this story, as we’re picturing this happening today.

King Solomon: The Baby Whisperer!

By: Carletta Traylor aka C.N.

Biblical Reference: 1 Kings 3:16-28 (KJV)

*Solomon is the new King of Israel, and he’s more clueless than Stacey Dash (take that how you will. Haha). He realizes that he doesn’t know how to lead God’s people (the Israelites), and as such, he asks God to give him the wisdom to know right from wrong, make good decisions, and please God with his reign (that’s a good boy! Haha). God gives Solomon supreme wisdom (he’s the smartest common dude to have ever lived—God Almighty and his son, and our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, don’t count; they weren’t common, and they OBVIOUSLY know more than everyone, including that scrub, Solomon. Haha). Solomon’s wisdom is immediately put to the test when two women fight over which of them is a living baby’s true mother. Code 10! Code 10! The inmates have left the asylum! The inmates have left the asylum! Haha*

Laverne (Woman 1): King Solomon, this woman is a murderer and a thief! First of all, she and I are roommates in a 2-bedroom apartment in the middle of New York City (y’all must be rolling in the dough! Living in New York isn’t cheap! Haha), and we both recently gave birth to baby boys. She put her baby in the bed with her, fell asleep, and accidentally slept on top of him, killing him (oh no!). My son was in his crib right next to my bed, and around midnight, this lunatic snuck into my room, switched my living son for her deceased son, and when I woke up this morning to breastfeed him, I realized that he wasn’t my son—AND HE WAS DEAD! I’M TRAUMATIZED RIGHT NOW! How could you be so careless to smother your son?! You MONSTER!!!!

Shirley (Woman 2): That’s not true, King Solomon! I would never smother my child; I loved my son. When he cries, I sit in the chair and rock him to sleep-I know the risks associated with putting a baby in the bed with you, and I would never do that (I’m no baby killer!). I had my son in his crib right next to MY bed, and when I woke up, SHE had switched HER dead baby for my living baby-I may never sleep again! I’m having daymares (daymares? Did you just make that word up?! Haha) now, and I’m sure that I’ll have nightmares tonight!

Laverne: You’re such a liar! I would never be so careless with my child!

Shirley: Why are you so angry right now, Laverne?! You seem OFFLY defensive for someone who hasn’t done anything wrong! If I didn’t know any better, I’d say-

Laverne: You shut your mouth right now, Shirley (rudeness. Haha)! I didn’t smother my child! Keep acting like you haven’t done anything wrong, and watch me hop over this table and-

King Solomon (he’s had enough!): Alright! Alright! Alright! That’s enough! I’ve heard enough of this nonsense! You both claim to be innocent flowers who would never kill your children, and you both claim that the other killed her baby and switched her dead baby out for your living baby. This entire situation makes me sick to my stomach. Here’s what we’re going to do: I’m going to cut the baby in half and give each of you half of a baby.

*King Solomon isn’t ACTUALLY going to kill the baby; he’s just saying this to see how Laverne and Shirley will react. He has watched enough T.V. to know a genuine mother’s reaction from a fake mother’s reaction. Smooth. Haha*

Laverne: Please don’t kill my son, King! I love my son and would do anything for him. Look, just give my son to Shirley. I don’t want my baby to die. I didn’t go through 112 hours of labor to have my baby brutally murdered because some LUNATIC doesn’t know how to properly shift her body weight at night! Please just give my son to Shirley, King.

Shirley: Bump that, King! Go ahead and kill the little brat! If I can’t have him, then neither one of us can have him!

King Solomon: Laverne, I can tell that you’re this child’s real mother. I’m so sorry that you even went through such a terrible and traumatizing experience. I will pray for your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being; I’m a parent myself, and I could never dream of someone trying to do such a thing to my child. If you need anything-money, food, clothes, counseling-, you just let me know. I will gladly help you. God bless you, my sister.

Laverne: Thank you so much, King! God bless you as well!

Shirley: That’s not-

King Solomon: Zip it, Jezebel! How dare you carelessly smother your child, try to kidnap this poor woman’s child, traumatize her before she’s had her morning coffee, make it seem like you haven’t done anything wrong, and try to blame her for YOUR wrongdoing! Boys, arrest this woman for involuntary manslaughter, attempted kidnapping, and perjury; you’re going to jail for a long time, sweetheart! You better get used to wearing an orange jumpsuit (and it won’t be as fashionable as the jumpsuits they wear in Orange Is The New Black either! Haha), having your head look like a used mop (no salon for you!), and eating lunch with a woman named Bubba. You DISGUST me! Take her away, boys!

Shirley: NO! Please! I’m innocent! I haven’t done anything wrong! You can’t do this to me! I’m too cute to go to jail!

King Solomon: Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na; hey, hey, hey, hey, goodbye! Sing along, Laverne!

King Solomon and Laverne: Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na; hey, hey, hey, hey, goodbye!

*Shirley went to jail (AHHHHH! That clown and a half! Hahahahahahaha!), Laverne went home with her beautiful baby boy, and a private funeral was held for Shirley’s deceased son (rest in peace, sweet baby. You’re now safe and secure in Jesus’s arms-Heaven has gained one of its’ most precious angels). Word quickly spread about King Solomon’s wise decision, and King Solomon became one of the most respected and feared leaders in Israel’s history. Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Thank you, Jesus! God is good!*

-I hope that you all enjoyed today’s story! I love you all, God bless you all, and I’ll see you all on the next one!

-Carletta

36 thoughts on “King Solomon: The Baby Whisperer!

  1. Ohh yess, I love Cocoa Puffs. They’re yummy!

    Thanks for sharing this story with us today. This is one of the Bible stories that terrified me at first when I read it since it talks about cutting a living baby in half. Man… But as I read through the story, then I understand why King Solomon suggested that to those ladies.

    Solomon is a well-known Bible character with his wisdom. He uses clever ways to make decisions. Solomon offered to decapitate the baby, dividing it equally. The responses of the two women were different. One woman agreed, one woman disagreed, preferring not to kill the baby. Solomon’s wisdom and character were evident when he decided that the woman who did not want the baby to be killed was the baby’s mother.

    Today I got reminded from your post that we have to be wise in making decisions in our lives.

    God bless you!

    1. Thank you so much, Ferra! When I first read this story as a child, I was also terrified and wondered what kind of sick freak King Solomon was. Haha I soon realized that he was just using this tactic to see which of the women truly loved and cared for the baby, as no mother in her right mind would allow someone to kill her child (Mama Bear is ready to pounce! Haha). When we seek God’s divine wisdom, he will give it to us (thank you, Jesus!); we must certainly be careful about everything that we say, do, don’t do, and think-all actions have consequences. I’m so happy that you enjoyed my article! God bless you!

  2. I like the part on what King Solomon prayed for, usually in all religions, people pray for wealth, richness, money, fame and what they want, hardly you see people pray for the wellness for others and pray for wisdom and thank the GOD and ask HIM to help others instead of himself, most people are self centered.

    The story can send a good message to those who seek help from the ALMIGHTY that we need to seek for wisdom and for the wellness of others , we must know how to give first.

    GOD bless you

    1. Thank you so much, Chee! I completely agree with you-Solomon showed that he was truly God’s vessel by seeking his guidance on how to lead his people. Too many people want to put themselves on pedestals that they don’t belong on-the only people who warrant having fame are God Almighty and Jesus Christ himself (God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit). Solomon was very young when he became the King of Israel, but he was wise enough to realize that he couldn’t be an effective leader on his own-he needed God’s help. Jesus Christ constantly instructs us to love, support, encourage, and serve one another; when we pray for others in a honest/genuine way, we are demonstrating this service to others (by caring about one another’s well-being). If everyone would value giving over receiving, this world would be a better place. God bless you!

  3. Laverne & Shirley. Very clever, Haha. You are a very engaging writer. I have heard this story years ago when I was a small boy and even then I totally understood what he was trying to. But in today’s world I think that each party might be happy with a half a baby. I know. I have become very cynical in this day and age. But sometimes in times like we are having now, faith is a fleeting thing I am sad to say.

    1. Thank you so much, Courtney! We definitely live in a very selfish and narcissistic world, but never lose faith-God is always with us in the storm (Jesus Christ will use our storms to build our character, draw us closer to him, and prepare us for our breakthroughs). Though there are evil people in the world, there are many more good, honest people in the world–Jesus defeated Satan when he rose from the dead with all power in his hands. We shall win! God bless you!

  4. Wow, that’s quite the story (smothering the baby, etc.). I think it’s funny how you
    interject your thoughts into the stories.
    112 hours of labor!!! Dear Lord!

    1. Thank you so much, Teresa! This was quite the story indeed-God has a great sense of humor. Haha As we know from being believers in and followers of Jesus Christ, good will always trump evil (Hallelujah!)! I love to crack jokes throughout my posts-I’m just goofy like that. Haha God bless you!

  5. Wow…great take on this Bible story! I went to a Catholic school all my life – why do I not recall this story of King Solomon and the two women fighting over the baby? Maybe our religious teachers didn’t know how to explain the story to us in a less graphic form? I don’t know, but you surely wrote with great attention to detail.

    I think as mothers, we will do anything to protect our children even if it hurts us. The true mother displayed that love and courage with King Solomon by offering up her child because she believed in the best interests of her child.

    May God give us the courage to always live a life of faith, hope and love. Thank you for this post!

    1. Thank you so much, Dana! Children are a blessing (yes, even those teenagers. Haha), and God gives us children to love them, protect them, take care of them, and raise them to know 1) him (through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ), as well as 2) right from wrong. When we take this role seriously (which some parents nowadays don’t take seriously at all), we raise a better, more equipped, and more grounded generation. God bless you!

  6. I just love to visit your website and read your posts on Jesus Bedtime Stories, I always learn so much I did not know simply from reading your posts. You provide an easy way to learn, I always feel so much better inside after reading one of your posts.

    You brighten my entire day
    Jeff

    1. Thank you so much, Jeff! I’m so happy that my posts brighten up your day! I love Jesus Christ, love to laugh, and love people-why not combine all three for the glory of God? Haha I want learning about Jesus Christ and the Bible to be as fun and understandable as possible for everyone, children and adults alike (1 year old to 111 years old. Haha). I will definitely keep them coming! God bless you!

  7. Hi Carletta,

    Another wonderful original adaption from you.

    I recall this story very well from my youth and it is one that has always stuck with me.

    I must admit it took a few years for the actual lesson to sink in and fully understand, as I was absolutely terrified of the consequesnces.

    In fact, it took me quite a long time to understand that King Solomon was a good guy and a very wise man.

    A wonderful read as always.
    Partha

    1. Thank you so much, Partha! When I first read this story as a child, I thought it was a scene out of a scary movie (don’t hurt the baby! Haha). As I got older and began to ask more questions, I realized that King Solomon was never going to kill the baby, but wanted to use his God-given wisdom to decipher the true mother’s reaction. God wants us to humble ourselves and come to him; we are flawed and sinful creatures in need of his constant guidance, mercy, and grace (through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ). If we sincerely and genuinely ask God for wisdom, he will give it to us. I’m so happy that you enjoyed my story! God bless you!

  8. King Solomon was known to be a great Ruler with so much wisdom. I remember my Sunday School days learning about the fact that he built the first Temple in Jerusalem. However, he was also a sinner who married foreign women and committed adultery nevertheless, God loved him. For me, the story of Solomon shows that as ‘men’ we are imperfect and yet God still loves us. As a result, we should strive to live in righteousness at all times.

    King Solomon was endowed with so much wisdom and used this to rule wisely. He handled the baby situation with skill and wisdom. He made a wise decision to help him determine who actually deserved to keep the child/who was the biological mother. The biological mother did not want to see the child die and rather would have the child live and stay with another woman. If we pray to God and ask for wisdom, he will grant this to us. Having good judgement is indeed a blessing.

    Thanks for such a detailed post. 🙂

    1. Thank you so much, Ekufaa! God can and will use anyone for his glory, as long as we’re ready, willing and able to be used by him (i.e. having a serving heart). Solomon, though an imperfect sinner, genuinely loved God with all of his heart, sought his guidance throughout his entire reign as King of Israel, and made godly decisions that he never could have made on his own. As Jeremiah 33:3 reminds us, if we ask God to bestow heavenly wisdom upon us, he’ll show and teach us things that we’d never see or know on our own (thank you, Jesus!). I’m so happy that you enjoyed my story! God bless you!

  9. Another great take on a Bible story that not too many will be familiar with. I have some form of recollection myself but going back a number of years now.

    You hear the “rolling over in bed on a child” too many times in this reality thinking they can get away with the death of their child.

    Children coming into this plane of existence are so innocent and why we would choose to incarnate here in the first place is beyond me. Experience and spiritual growth we are told.

    “Free-will” is what we all have in common and that common factor is what God has bestowed on us all.

    It is also the reason why God forgives us so easily.

    Thank you for another entertaining read.

    1. Thank you so much, Mick! I have read several news stories about parents accidentally rolling over on and suffocating their children, and it absolutely breaks my heart. If your child wakes up during the night, please sit with him/her in a chair and/or stand up altogether-please don’t risk hurting your child by putting them in the bed with you (it’s easy for tired parents to fall asleep and forget that their child is in a certain position next to them). God certainly gave us free will, and he knew that we would squander it, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Thank God that he loves us enough to forgive us of our foolishness (thank you, Jesus! Haha). God bless you!

  10. Hey,

    I remember King Soloman from when we did religious education at school, I was a bit scared of him. I like how you’ve written this story. You’ve written it like you were narrating it to us too by giving your own thoughts and opinions, very clever. I look after my niece quite a lot and I read her bedtime stories, I wonder if I read this story to her it would help her sleep or give her nightmares? 🙂

    Thank you for sharing such great stories and keep up the amazing work.

    All the best,

    Tom

    1. Thank you so much, Tom! When I first read about King Solomon as a child, I thought he was a raging lunatic. Haha As I got older, read more, and started asking more questions, I realized this God had given him the wisdom to say certain things to get certain reactions out of people-the true mother wasn’t going to allow anything to happen to her child, and the results proved that. Just in case this story is a bit scary for your niece, I have plenty more to choose from! Haha God bless you!

  11. I won’t deny your opening line about women being crazy.

    I love the pictures in the blog that you added, they received a giggle from me anyway. I’d love to know how you get inspiration for writing these.

    A great read as always, thanks for sharing and keep up the good work!

    1. Thank you so much, Sharon! We women are battier than 100 bats at an “I Stay Fly” convention. Haha I’m a very visual person, so I like a lot of pictures, colors, and pizazz. All of my inspiration comes from God himself (through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ); I can’t thank him enough for his goodness, grace, mercy, and love toward us. When he wakes me up to see another day, that’s inspiration enough to write for him. I’m so glad that you enjoyed my story! God bless you!

  12. Great post like always. I always like how you take the story and then apply it to the language of today. The situations of today also. Very different approach.

    As always, thanks for sharing!

  13. King Solomon, the ultimate symbol of wisdom. A very nice story as always. I really enjoy visiting your blog.

    Once again thank you for the nice post.

    1. Thank you so much, Anestis! King Solomon is certainly the symbol of wisdom, and this story shows that with God’s help, we can all do amazing things. God bless you!

  14. Thanks for the entertaining story! I remember this one from my childhood. The way King Solomon solved the dispute between the women shows the wisdom he possessed. I just think his methods wouldn’t work in the modern-day, don’t you think?

    1. Thank you so much, John! King Solomon certainly displayed his God-given wisdom in this scenario (he knew that the baby’s true mother would do everything in her power to protect her child). I definitely don’t think that his methods would have worked nowadays; he probably would have gotten shot. Haha We can certainly dream, though! Haha God bless you!

  15. Another interesting story to share with my nephew. I love how you make these stories so easy to read and understand for children and adults.
    Keep up the good work

    Kind regards,
    Yoana

    1. Thank you so much, Tanya! God certainly blessed Solomon with the wisdom to know how to handle such a sticky situation-a true mother will always react differently than a fake mother will (no real mother in her right mind would allow someone to murder her child). Solomon knew what he was doing, the identity of the true mother became obvious, and the baby boy was saved (Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Thank you, Jesus! God is good!). God bless you!

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