Look At Those Feisty Kittens!
Everyone with faith, stand up (that doesn’t mean those of you listening to Faith Hill and Faith Evans in the broken down Pinto, but I still love you. Haha)! What is faith? Faith refers to having complete trust or confidence in someone or something, regardless of the circumstances (like I have faith that these Lindt chocolates are going to make my stomach smile and start singing Celine Dion’s greatest hits…and I don’t even listen to Celine Dion). When a person has faith in someone, he or she believes that said person will take care of him or her, provide his or her needs, and protect him or her from all harm and danger (those Girl Scouts are animals! Just kidding, just kidding. I was a Girl Scout back in the day…and I want my Thin Mints. Haha). We should have this same feeling toward God. God is our everything and will provide all of our needs, but we must believe that he will take care of us, no matter how good or bad things may seem. When we don’t have any money or food in the refrigerator, trust God. When our kids start acting like Godzilla when we tell them to do their homework, trust God. When we’re sick, scared, anxious, or feel alone, trust God. When we have faith in God, through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, he will perform miracles that will leave us in shock (and I’m talking stank face, mouth wide open, teeth waving to everyone levels of shock). What happens when your life is threatened because the enemy wants to destroy you? This brings us to the story of Daniel and the Lion’s Den in the Bible.
In the 6th Chapter of Daniel, we see that King Darius was ruler over Babylon, and he chose several men to help him lead the people. Daniel, who loved and worshiped God, was the leader of the advisors, and the other men were jealous of Daniel (they were being some extra crunchy Cheetos, all bent out of shape). The other men knew that Daniel worshiped the one and only true God (God Almighty, who sent his son, Jesus Christ, to die for the world), so they tried to get Daniel in trouble by tricking King Darius into creating a law that made it illegal (a crime) to worship anyone but King Darius (no those flaky Funyons didn’t!). The other men flattered King Darius (gave him compliment after compliment, buttering him up like buttermilk biscuits…just sickening), and in the process, they lied and told King Darius that Daniel (whom King Darius loved) agreed that a law should go into place whereby no one could worship or pray to anyone but King Darius; anyone who broke this law would be thrown into the lion’s den, where the lions would kill and eat that person (ewwwwww!). King Darius passed this law, not realizing that Daniel had nothing to do with it, didn’t agree to it, and that the men did this to get Daniel in trouble. Daniel found out about this law, but he continued to pray to and worship God, enjoyed praying to and worshiping God, and refused to worship King Darius (move it along, scrub). The other men caught Daniel praying to God Almighty, and being the weasels that they are, they told King Darius that Daniel had been praying, and that by law, King Darius had to throw Daniel into the lion’s den. King Darius loved Daniel, knew that Daniel worshiped the one and only true God, and didn’t want to throw him into the lion’s den, but his hands were tied. As such, Daniel was thrown into the lion’s den, though King Darius hoped that Daniel’s God would save him from the lions (he loved Daniel and didn’t want him to die). Special delivery! Special delivery! God delivered Daniel from the lion’s den, he was not touched or harmed in any way, and King Darius called out to Daniel to see if he was, in fact, still alive.
Daniel 6: 20-22 (KJV): O Daniel, servant of the living God, is thy God, whom thou servest continually, able to deliver thee from the lions? Then said Daniel unto the king, O king, live forever. My God hath sent his angel, and hath shut the lions’ mouths, that they have not hurt me: forasmuch as before him innocency was found in me; and also before thee, O king, have I done no hurt.
That’s right! That’s right! Daniel was alive and well, God had sent his angel to protect Daniel (it wasn’t feast time for those feisty kittens yet!), and Daniel knew that he had committed no wrong. King Darius wasn’t a complete guppy (he was close, but not fully), and as such, Daniel was taken out of the lion’s den (bye-bye, kitty!), the men (and their families) who lied on Daniel were thrown into the lion’s den (it was over for them, kids), King Darius made a new law that everyone was to worship Daniel’s God, the one and only true God (YES! WIN!), and Daniel continued to be the leader of advisors under King Darius (and continued to have a high position under King Cyrus later on). God wins! God wins! God wins! We all knew that he would, but he wanted to strut his stuff to show Daniel, King Darius, and all of us just how powerful he is (Level Infinity BOSS!). What a feel good story! I wonder how this scenario would have played out in modern times? I can’t fight this feeling anymore! Let the games begin! NOTE: I will be utilizing modern-day language, technology and ways of living in this story, as we’re picturing this happening today.
Look At Those Feisty Kittens!
Biblical Reference: Daniel 6 (KJV)
*King Darius is ruler over Babylon, and he has chosen several men to be in his government and help lead the people. Daniel is the leader of the government; he only answers to King Darius himself*
Hating Harolds (the other men): I can’t believe that King Darius made Daniel, OF ALL PEOPLE, the leader of the advisors (yeah!). What makes Daniel so special? What makes him better than us? Just because he worships God and prays all of the time, that somehow makes him better than us? He’s not that smart, he’s not that strong, and he’s definitely not that good looking. Channing Tatum got his looks from me! Idris Alba saw me working out the other day, and that’s why he suddenly cares about having a 6-pack; I’m trying to get in shape for a new movie my behind! Since Daniel likes to pray on his knees so much, we should bust his kneecaps and make it a permanent position for him! Snap, crackle, pop! You know what I’m saying?! You know what I mean?! -Haha, yeah. We know what you mean. Since Daniel loves praying to God so much, we should trick King Darius into making a law that no one can pray to or worship anyone but HIM; let’s see how Daniel likes that. -Yeah, let’s do it!
*The Sourpatch Kids, I mean, other men, proceed to speak with King Darius. They’re ready to do some serious keister kissing. Get the chap stick ready*
Hating Harolds (the other men): King Darius, our Lord. Have you been working out? You look ripped! Sculptors start crying when they see how chiseled you are. Forget a 6-pack; you have a 24-pack! BLADOW! We could grate cheese on those bad boys! Angel hair pasta, anyone? Did you just get your hair done (yes, men can get their hair done as well. Haha)? Boy, Fabio ain’t got nothing on those flowing blonde locks! You should try out for Baywatch. You’d be a perfect lead. And those clothes-
King Darius: Thank you! Thank you! What do you all want? My family doesn’t even compliment me this much unless they want something. What can I do for you, gentlemen?
Hating Harolds (the other men): We just want to say that we respect your authority, and we know that you always make the right decisions. We were talking earlier, Daniel included, and we all think that you should pass a law that no one can pray to or worship anyone but you. If anyone prays to or worships any other god, he or she should be thrown into the lion’s den to be devoured (mmm, I need to buy some of those Devour dinners from the store today).
King Darius: Are you sure that you all spoke to Daniel about this? I love Daniel, and I trust his judgment. He prays to and worships God, he’s faithful, he’s upstanding, and he always makes good decisions for the Kingdom. Why would he suddenly not want to pray to or worship God anymore?
Hating Harolds (the other men): Your Majesty, we’re just as surprised as you are. This entire proposal was Daniel’s idea! We saw him praying the other day, and he told us to come inside so that he could talk to us. He told us that he was tired of praying, that God didn’t hear him, that God had turned his back on him, and that he wanted to start worshiping someone that he could actually see. I just thought that he was angry because he couldn’t watch “Dancing With The Stars” this weekend; you know that he loves that show. But no, he said that he wanted you to pass this law so that everyone has to worship you, and if not, off to the land of the feisty kittens! Sorry.
King Darius: Where is Daniel right now?
Hating Harolds (the other men): He’s at home, regretting his life decisions. He didn’t feel up to coming out right now. He told us to tell you that you are the wisest, most brilliant man he has ever known. He also told us to tell you that he is fully confident that you will pass this law and make it effective immediately.
King Darius: I do love Daniel, and I definitely trust his judgment. Okay. I shall pass this into law now. *King Darius, being played by the other men like a fiddle, passes a law that no one is to pray to or worship anyone but him, and if anyone breaks this law, he or she shall be thrown into the lion’s den (that person will be as good as dead).*
*Daniel finds out about this new law, but continues to pray to and worship God, who is his strength and his protection. King Darius the Doofus can move around*
Hating Harolds (the other men): King?! King?! Daniel isn’t obeying your new law! He’s the one that wanted you to pass this law in the first place, yet he’s not listening to you! He’s still praying to God, reading his Bible, going to Bible Study, going to church (thank you, Jesus!), and worshiping God! He has been a bad boy! You should throw him into the lion’s den! It breaks our hearts to have to share this news with you, and we are so disappointed in Daniel, but you said yourself that this law is final. Do what you have to do, oh, mighty King.
*King Darius is heartbroken to hear that Daniel has broken the law, and tries to kill time to avoid putting him in the lion’s den. He can’t override the worship law until Congress meets again in two weeks. He loves Daniel, and does not want to hurt him. He must obey the law, however. His hands are tied. The street police bring Daniel before King Darius, and Daniel is thrown into the lion’s den *
King Darius (to Daniel): Daniel, I pray that God will save your life. I don’t want you to die, but I don’t have any other choice but to throw you into the lion’s den. I passed a law. I have to follow through with it. I have a reputation to uphold. I can’t have people thinking I’m a weak king or a punk posing as a king. I’m trying to maintain my street cred. God of Heaven, please keep Daniel safe.
Daniel: I don’t have any doubt that God will protect me, King. I shall be just fine.
*King Darius did not eat or sleep that night. He was worried about Daniel and was just hoping that God would keep Daniel safe. The next day, King Darius ran to the lion’s den to see if Daniel was ok*
King Darius: Daniel?! Daniel?! Are you alright?
Daniel: I am just fantastic, King! God is good! He sent his angel to keep me safe, he closed the lions’ mouths (that’s a good kitty!), I have not been touched or harmed in any way, and as Stuart Scott (RIP) used to say, I’m cooler than the other side of the pillow! Praise God! God said that I didn’t do anything wrong, and as such, I should be found innocent in your eyes as well, King.
King Darius: Praise God! Guards, release Daniel from the lion’s den. That man is innocent! I now see that the other men were trying to set you up, Daniel. I am so sorry that I fell for their lies and put you in this position. Not only are you reinstated to your position as the leader of the advisors, but I am now passing a new law that everyone is to worship, obey, and fear God! He kept you from becoming feline filet mignon, and as such, he is the one and only true and living God, and should be worshiped! Guards, go get those lying imbeciles and throw them into the lion’s den at once! No one makes a fool out of me, no one makes a fool out of Daniel, and no one makes a fool out of the one and only living God! Oh, kitties! It’s suppertime!
*And with that, Daniel is a free man, he’s the leader of the advisors again, and the Hating Harolds-I mean, other men-who lied on Daniel and tricked King Darius were thrown into the lion’s den, never to mistreat anyone again. Praise God!*