Simon Says, “Be Gone, Stank!”

By: Carletta Traylor aka C.N.

What’s good, my home skillet biscuits with butter and jelly on top (for those of you wondering what the flip I just said, that’s slang for “how are you all doing this fine day?” Haha.)?! In light of today being Election Day (or “people losing their minds over a color” Day), I’m sure that many people are contemplating (that’s a fancy pants way of saying “thinking about.” Haha.) the traits of a good leader.

 

A good leader is someone who loves and genuinely cares about the people-he or she always acts in the best interests of everyone (not just certain individuals) when making decisions. A good leader is someone who is kind, compassionate, intelligent (thanks for playing, Kim Kardashian! I need to stop! Can I ever just behave?! Haha. Really, though. Who remembers Kim taking that ridiculous picture where she looked like a cross between a glazed donut and a confused child from Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory?! I’ll never look at Krispy Kremes the same way again! Thanks, Kim! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA), hard-working, determined, disciplined, firm (when he or she needs to be….don’t be a domineering dipstick! Haha), and willing to take constructive criticism (you’re not always right, nimrod!).

 

A good leader is also someone who is willing to be amongst the people, get his or her hands dirty (we’re not scared of any stinking mud!), and do the work that many people think that they’re “too good” to do. In other words, ladies and gentlemen, the greatest leaders are the greatest servants.

 

This world has never seen, and never will see, a greater leader and/or servant than our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is God in the flesh (the 2nd person of the Holy Trinity: God the Father (God Almighty), God the Son (Jesus Christ), and God the Holy Spirit (the Holy Spirit)), and he loved us so much that he died on the Cross to save us from our sins (bad things that we say, do, don’t do, and/or think, that God does not like), that if we would trust and believe in him, we would not perish (die in our sins and go to Hell), but have everlasting life (party with Jesus in Heaven forever! Aye! Turn up! Haha).

 

Jesus lived his life to serve others. During his 33 years on this earth, Jesus taught the people about the Kingdom of God, healed the sick, raised the dead (what’s good, Lazarus! All Rise! That Means You, Lazarus.), and fed the poor, among many other countless miracles. Jesus always taught the people to 1) love God (put God first in our lives and obey him), and 2) love one another.

 

Jesus wasn’t one to just talk about how we should live, either; he constantly showed it (our Lord was about that action, y’all! He walked the walk, talked the talk, and did the deed (in a holy way! Get your minds out of the gutter! Haha)!). Jesus led by example, constantly wearing his heart on his sleeve and serving others as he wanted us to serve one another. This brings us to today’s story (finally, Carletta! We were tired of listening to you RAMBLE on and on and on! Haha). Let us visit the story of Jesus washing his disciples’ feet, shall we?

 

In the 13th Chapter of John (the Holy Bible), Jesus and his 12 disciples are enjoying a lovely evening meal (the steak and spaghetti were ON POINT! Haha). The meal took place just before the Passover festival (the festival to celebrate God (through Moses) freeing the Israelites from Egyptian slavery (I See The Red Sea! Pharaoh’s A Weenie!), and Jesus knew that his earthly life would soon come to an end. Jesus came into this world to die for our sins, and he knew that one of his disciples-Judas Iscariot (whom Satan had entered and began to corrupt)-would betray him (by telling the Pharisees (those warped losers) where he was) for 30 pieces of silver (roughly $200), leading to Jesus’s eventual arrest, brutal beating, and brutal crucifixion (death on Calvary’s Cross).

 

Jesus had been with his disciples for 3 years; Jesus’s 12 disciples followed him, learned from him (Jesus taught them how to inherit the Kingdom of God-repent of all sin (ask God to forgive us of all of our sins and help us to not do-and not want to do-those bad things again), he empowered them to preach God’s truth and perform the miracles that he himself had performed (healing the sick, giving sight to the blind, etc.), and he prepared them to continue his work after he died (God the Father would raise him from the dead on the 3rd day!) and went back to Heaven. Jesus used this opportunity to demonstrate the type of love that he wants us to show one another.

 

As such, Jesus-God in the flesh-took off his outer garment, wrapped a towel around his waist, poured water into a basin, and he began to wash each of his disciples’ feet, one by one. HOLD UP! WAIT A MINUTE! Are we hearing that right?! Yes we are!

Jesus Christ, who was God in the flesh, the Lord and Savior of the world, got down on his hands and knees and performed a selfless act of service that only slaves were required to perform at that time-he washed his disciples’ dirty, dusty, musty, STANKY feet (from walking in the hot sun and sand all day in sandals-people didn’t have shoes in those days like we have today).

 

As we can all imagine, Jesus’s disciples were shocked (they had permanent STANK faces, y’all! Haha) by Jesus’s actions-why is our Lord washing our feet?! He’s the Messiah! He’s our master! We’re his servants! We should be washing his feet, not the other way around! Simon Peter (one of Jesus’s disciples), in typical Peter fashion (he always had something to say about EVERYTHING. Haha), asked Jesus if he (Jesus) was going to wash his (Peter’s) feet. When Jesus answered in the affirmative (why YES, Peter! I am going to wash your feet! I know that you don’t understand why I’m doing this now, but trust me, you will), Peter said the following:

 

John 13:8 (NIV)- No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”

 

When Peter didn’t want Jesus to wash his feet (because he didn’t feel worthy of having his Lord wash HIS feet), Jesus responded as follows:

 

John 13:8 (NIV)- Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

 

Did you hear that, Peter?! Jesus said that if you don’t allow him to cleanse you (both physically and spiritually), you won’t have anything to do with him, he won’t have anything to do with you, and the two of you won’t have anything to do with each other! We’ve been trying to tell you that running that mouth (bumping those gums) gets you NOWHERE! Haha.

 

Peter got the message loud and clear, quickly changed his tune (good! That violin he was playing sounded like GARBAGE! We’re talking Grade-A levels of primed and ready trash here, folks. Haha), and said the following to Jesus:

 

John 13:9 (NIV)- “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”

 

Thata’ boy, Petester! Peter loved Jesus and never wanted to part ways with him (we’ll talk about his nonsense in a later post. Haha), and as such, he wanted Jesus to wash his entire body (ain’t nobody dope as me, I’m just so fresh, so clean (so fresh and so clean, clean). Sorry. Haha)! Jesus explained to Peter that it was not necessary for him to wash his entire body (I KNOW that you better have taken a shower before showing up to dinner, Peter! We’re not playing that over here, partner! Haha jkjkjk…sort of. Haha), that he was clean, but that not all of them were clean (referring to Judas’s imminent betrayal of him).

 

Once Jesus had finished washing his disciples’ feet (and was back in his spot, ready for his sweet potato pie. Mmmm, pie. Sorry. Haha), he asked them if they understood what he had just done for them. Jesus expressed his love for his disciples by washing their feet; he wanted them (and us) to show the same selfless love for one another-wash one another’s feet, carry one another’s burdens, support and encourage one another, always be there for one another. Jesus further explained that no servant was greater than his master-if Jesus himself could love his disciples by washing their feet, we, as his servants, can and should demonstrate the same love toward one another (love will always trump hate). We will be blessed if we do.

 

Jesus for the win again (he’s undefeated! Eat your heart out, Tom Brady! Haha jkjkjk…sort of. Haha)! Christ humbled himself, became flesh, and showed us what a true leader is: one who loves and serves his people. I pray that we all take heed to Jesus’s teachings, take his words to heart, and act like we have some home training. Haha.

 

I feel a modern-day remix coming on (YAAAASSSSSSSS!!! I’m the real Comeback Kid! Move around, Bill Clinton! Haha jkjkjk…kinda. Haha)! I wonder how things would have played out, had this story happened today? Turn on your smooth jazz, plop down by the fireplace, grab a cup of hot cocoa, and LET’S GET BUSY! NOTE: I will be utilizing modern-day language, technology, and ways of living in this story, as we’re picturing this happening today.

 

Simon Says, “Be Gone, Stank!”

By: Carletta Traylor aka C.N.

Biblical Reference: John 13:1-17 (NIV)

*Rodney Jetson, a big-shot CEO of a Fortune 500 company (that boy has money!), invites his homies over for Thanksgiving dinner and to watch the game. The Rams are playing the Browns, and Rodney doesn’t want to be the only person who thinks that the Browns have a snowball’s chance in “you know what” of actually winning. Haha. His homies include his employees, his janitorial staff, and his manny (male+nanny=manny. Haha). Everyone loves and respects Rodney; he is a true leader in the corporate world, as well as in his community.

While everyone is stuffing their faces with turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, spaghetti, macaroni and cheese, mixed vegetables, rolls, pumpkin pie, and “happy juice,”-Rodney can cook, y’all! I love a man who cooks. Haha-Rodney suddenly comes to the table with a bucket of hot, soapy water, Epsom salt, and “Mountain Man” scented bath bombs (he can’t get enough of them, y’all!), and he begins to wash each of his guest’s feet (WHAT the WHAT?! I hope that you brought nose plugs to deal with that STANK! We don’t need you passing out in the gravy, Bruh! Haha)*

Jerry (one of Rodney’s employees, absolutely SHOCKED): Mr. Jetson?! What are you doing?!

Rodney: I know that you’re looking at me like I’m nuts right now (just a little bit. Haha), but I’ll explain everything when I’m done. I’m washing everyone’s feet right now. Put your feet on the towel, man. I don’t need your corns scaring the dog away (WOW! Way to ruin our appetites, Rodney! Why don’t you just show us his scarecrow toenails while you’re at it?! That boy’s feet look like “See Spot Run.” HAHAHAHAHAHA).

*Rodney makes his way around the table, and it’s time for Max, his manny, to get his feet washed. Max doesn’t feel worthy of having his boss, a millionaire CEO, wash his crusty, nightmare-inducing feet (OH, THE HORROR! Haha. I need to behave. Haha). Max wants Rodney to skip over him*

Max (Rodney’s manny, wondering if this is some sort of sick joke. Is he about to fire me?! Are we being PUNK’d right now?! Where are you, Ashton Kutcher?!?!?!): Mr. Jetson, Sir! Please don’t wash my feet. I don’t feel comfortable with you washing my feet. You’re a millionaire! You’re the CEO of one of the biggest companies in the world (that boy is the CEO of Giggle-Fritz Productions. Calm down, Max. Haha)! I change your baby’s stinky diapers (Lord knows that kid can blow out a onesie. Haha)! I’m not worthy of having you wash my feet.

Rodney: Max, if you don’t allow me to wash your feet, you can’t work for me anymore. You’re more than just my manny. You’re my brother and my friend. My wife and I love you (why else would they pay you $500,000/yr, buy you a new car for your birthday, and send you and your family on an all-expense paid trip to The Caribbean?! Don’t blow this, Max! Haha), and I want to show you how much I love and value you as a person. By rejecting my offer to wash your feet, it’s like you’re rejecting me.

Max: Oh no, Sir! In that case, please wash my hair, my face, my hands, and my feet! Make my shine like a diamond! Twinkle like the stars! Smell better than that guy from the Axe commercial!

Rodney: HAHAHAHAHAHA. Thata’ boy, Max! I know that you showered before you left home (he better have…Sir Stank-a-Lot. I like big soap and I cannot lie, you other brothers can’t deny! Haha). As long as I have washed your feet, you’re clean…except one of you (that loser, Larry, who tried to steal money from his wallet, talk to his wife behind his back (but Mrs. Jetson wasn’t having it, y’all! She’s a good one! Haha), and lie to the IRS that Rodney owed them $3,000,000 in back taxes. He was trying to get Rodney arrested, y’all! That no good, trifling imbecile! God doesn’t like ugly. Haha).

*Rodney has finished washing everyone’s feet, the Browns have just taken a one point lead, 30-29, with 8 minutes left in the 4th quarter (alright now, Baker Mayfield! Haha), and Rodney wants to make sure that everyone understands the significance of what he has just done*

Rodney: May I have everyone’s attention, please (everyone immediately looks to Rodney)? Do you all understand what I have just done for you all? I know that I’m a multi-millionaire CEO, and many of you look up to me. However, I worship God first and foremost, and the two most important things that he has always taught us are to love him and love one another. You all were shocked when I washed your feet this evening (you can say that again! Haha). However, the selfless love that I just displayed for you all is the same type of love that I want you all to show for one another. If I can get on my hands and knees and wash 12 grown men’s feet, in my house, in my kitchen, while you all are eating my food and watching my T.V., you all can certainly love and serve one another. This is what God wants and expects us to do, and if we obey him, we shall be blessed.

Everyone (talking at the same time): Amen! Thank you so much, Rodney! God bless you, Mr. Jetson! You’re right, Rod! God wants us to love and serve him and each other. Let’s make God proud, y’all! Let’s do it! The Browns win! The Browns win! The Browns win!

-Carletta