Sorry, God Doesn’t Speak Ignoramus

By: C.N.

Who doesn’t love arrogant airheads (we all know that they’re full of hot air, but I digress. Haha)?! We all know people (thousands of them!) who think that they’re so great, think that they’re so smart, think that they’re so pretty/handsome (cockiness makes you uglier than Chewbacca-that THANG was UGLY! Haha), think that life doesn’t begin until they wake up, and think that they’re invincible (walk barefoot into a pool of lava and let me know how that goes for you. Haha jkjkjk). We unfortunately live in a very arrogant society, and as such, many people put themselves on pedestals that they don’t belong on (can I kick their pedestals over?! Pretty please with whip cream, sprinkles, and a cherry on top?! I’ll be like Blackie Chan; HIYAH!). Some people are so far gone that they actually believe…they ACTUALLY BELIEVE…that they don’t need God, that they’re better than God, or that they are God (were you born clueless, or is that an acquired trait?).

As I’ve mentioned a time or two before, God has a sense of humor (thank you, Jesus!). When we get too big for our britches, God has a way of bringing us back down to size (Operation Deflation is underway!). God loved us so much that he sent his son, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, to die on the Cross for our sins; when Jesus died for us, he died for ALL of our imperfections-ignorance included. God, like a good parent, will put his children in check when they get out of line. This brings us the story of the Tower of Babel in the Bible.

In the 11th Chapter of Genesis, Noah’s descendants were living in the area of Mesopotamia, in Babylon. Everyone spoke the same language, and the population was growing larger by the second (just as our children seem to grow overnight! Make it stop! I just bought these clothes two weeks ago, and you’ve grown out of them ALREADY?! What do you think this is…the BANK?! Money doesn’t grow on trees! I have to buy new school clothes AGAIN! Haha). The Babylonians thought too highly of themselves (they were arrogant, prideful, and thought that the world revolved around them) and decided to build a mighty city with a tall tower to show how great they were (HAHAHA, amateurs.). Their mindset was as follows:

Genesis 11:4 (KJV): And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth.

Dawww, how cute! The Babylonians thought that they were going to build a tower that reached to Heaven, such that they would be like gods and wouldn’t need the one and only true God (the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, as well as the father of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ). They began to build the tower, but God, needing a good laugh, put a dent in their plans. When God saw how arrogant and cocky (cock-a-doodle-doo!) the Babylonians had become, he suddenly caused them to speak different languages, as they would no longer be able to understand each other, couldn’t communicate with each other on how to complete the tower and city, and would look goofier than a cactus in a three-piece suit (that cactus is SHARP!).

Once the Babylonians realized that they had messed with the wrong one (God didn’t play that! God was a G! Rough rider! Haha) and couldn’t communicate with each other, they quickly scattered to different parts of the world, and the city was left unfinished (cue Miley Cyrus: Wrecking Ball! Kids, please DON’T EVER listen to that song or watch the video. For goodness sake, take that Grade-A garbage off of the Internet! Haha). Given that the Babylonians had accidents on themselves (I sense warmer undies) and scattered to different parts of the world with different languages, this is why we have different languages today (SWERVE! You all didn’t see that coming! Did you?! Did you?! Haha)! We love learning different languages and hearing different accents, which God doesn’t mind, but the origin of different languages was the Babylonians having their egotistical heads so far up their own behinds, they were giving themselves colonoscopies (ask your dads what those are, kids. Haha).

HAHAHAHA! God showed the Babylonians who’s boss! He made those McGoofies from McDonalds speak different languages and run away like ants at a Raid convention! God is in control, always has been in control, and always will be in control. Though he loves us and sent his son, Jesus Christ, to die for our sins, he deserves and expects our utmost love, respect, and reverence (Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Thank you, Jesus! God is good!). Let us not make the mistake of thinking that we don’t need God, that we’re better than God, or that we are God-God will always get the last laugh (and our full attention). I’m ready for this remix, y’all! Put your spacesuits on, hop on your rocket ships, and let’s blast off! NOTE: I will be utilizing modern-day language, technology, and ways of living in this story, as we’re picturing this happening today.

Sorry, God Doesn’t Speak Ignoramus

By: C.N.

Biblical Reference: Genesis 11:1-9 (KJV)

*The Babylonians just finished watching Scarface and The Godfather on Spike TV, and suddenly think that they’re bad boys (cue the Cops theme song-Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when we come for you). They have a large and growing population, they all speak the same language, and they think that they’re the best thing to ever happen to Mesopotamia (which is located in Babylon). As such, they want to build a huge city and tower-The Tower of Babel-to show how awesome they are-they don’t need God (look at this Kix commercial: moron tested, dummy approved)! We’ll see what God has to say about that.*

Bill the Babylonian: Babylonians are the BOMB! The world should bow down and worship us for being so great-we’re swimming in money (your little $2.65 doesn’t count), we’re the smartest people who ever lived (no, you’re actually just a dedicated dipstick), we’re responsible for all of the world’s greatest inventions (clown, y’all created a non-working, non-cooking Easy Bake Oven! Those brownies were TRASH! Sit it all the way down!), and everyone wants to be like us (someone slap this fool; he’s clearly dreaming. Haha jkjkjk Jesus is love).

Brittany the Babylonian: You are preaching to the choir, Bill! Hallelujah! Every guy wants to date me, and all of the girls hate me. I mean, look at me, I’m stunning. They should build a statue of me and put it in the center of every big city in the world (she doesn’t have time for the smaller cities)-everyone deserves to drool over how gorgeous I am. Of course, those losers can only dream of being as beautiful as I am, but everyone deserves to dream, right?

Bill the Babylonian: Yes, ma’am! All hail, your royal hotness! Haha

Brittany the Babylonian: You can say that again! I am visually gifted. Haha

Bob the Babylonian: Hey, guys! I have a great idea. Seeing as how we’re royally awesome and worlds better than any of these other scums of the earth, why don’t we build a huge city with a tower to Heaven? We don’t need God. We’re better than God could ever be. As a matter of fact, to the rest of the world, we ARE God.

Bridget the Babylonian: Yaaasss, Honey! We are God, we have all of the power, and this world needs to bow down and worship us (and worship the ground that we walk on!)! This is our throne! On your knees, peasants! Kiss our feet!

Brittany the Babylonian: Recognize our power!

Bill the Babylonian: Chant our names!

Bob the Babylonian: Shave our backs!

*Everyone suddenly stops and gives Bob the stank face. Shave our backs?! No one’s trying to be wandering through that wilderness for 40 years. Haha*

Bob the Babylonian: Sorry, guys. I’ve always wanted to say that. Haha

Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You’re a mess!!!!!

*Everyone keeps laughing like they’re a few fries short of a Happy Meal. I should chuck soda into their eyes. AHHHHHHH! IT BURNS! Haha jkjkjk YOU ALL DISGUST ME!!!!!*

Bill the Babylonian: Let’s get to work on this tower!

Everyone Else: Here! Here! Let’s do it!

Brittany the Babylonian: YES! As long as I don’t break a nail (why don’t I break your-I’m sorry. I’ll stop. Hahaha).

*The Babylonians begin working on the city and tower, but God is not pleased by how arrogant and prideful they are. They think that they’re better than God?! They have the audacity to call THEMSELVES God?! Lucy, you’ve got some ‘plaining to do! He decides to show them who’s boss; no one makes a mockery out of God and gets away with it!* 

GOD ALMIGHTY: Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do. Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech. So the Lord scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth: and they left off to build the city.

*HAHAHAHA! God changed all of their languages with the snap of his finger-they can no longer understand each other, can no longer laugh at Bob’s garbage jokes (he’s not funny. Haha), and can’t communicate with each other on how to finish the tower and city. Run away!!!!*

Bill the Babylonian: ¿Lo que acaba de suceder? ¡Ya no puedo entender a nadie! (Spanish for “What just happened? I can’t understand anyone anymore!”)

Brittany the Babylonian: Nein! Ich bin zu schön, als dass die Leute nicht verstehen könnten, was ich sage! Das ist eine Travestie! Was ist mit der Stadt, dem Turm und meiner Statue ??? !!!! (German for “No! I’m too beautiful for people to not be able to understand what I’m saying! This is a travesty! What about the city, the tower, and my statue???!!!!”)

Bob the Babylonian: Que dites-vous tous? !!!! Parlez-vous tous du charabia ?? !! Je veux juste une grande ville et que quelqu’un me rase le dos !!!!! (French for “What are you all saying?!!!! Are you all speaking gibberish??!! I just want a big city and for someone to shave my back!!!!!”)

Bridget the Babylonian: Би ээжийгээ хүсч байна! (Mongolian for “I want my Mommy!”)

With this, the Babylonians ran away to different parts of the world (those clowns should have joined the circus-Bob’s back makes him look like a wild orangutan. Haha); not only were the city and Tower of Babel never completed, but due to the Babylonians’ supreme arrogance (and God teaching them a lesson), this is the reason why we have different languages today (mind BLOWN!). I love learning about different people and their cultures (especially their languages), but now knowing how all of this came about, we can learn about one another with a chuckle and a smile. Haha I love you all, God bless you all, and I’ll see you all on the next one!

-C.N.

38 thoughts on “Sorry, God Doesn’t Speak Ignoramus.

  1. This is a very interesting and maybe unusual take on the origins of different languages. I was fine with the Spanish, the German and the French. The Mongolian was a bit of a challenge though. There is one unusual thing I have learned about Mongolia, the Mongolians only have one name. They don’t have the equivalent of a first or given name and a last or family name, just a single and often very simple name. Thanks for an interesting and illuminating story.
    Kind regards
    Andy

    1. Thank you so much, Andy! I actually did not know that Mongolians only have one name; that is fascinating. Perhaps the one name ties into nature or tribal pride-I will definitely look that up now. I’m always amazed by how many different languages and cultures inhabit God’s green earth-our differences certainly make and keep things interesting. God can always bring good out of a bad or unusual situation. God bless you!

  2. Great post as always! I also believe God has a sense of humor. If we look at the animals that he created, how can you not say? His uniqueness and creativity truly shines.

    1. Thank you so much, Brian! God definitely has a sense of humor-he created giraffes, hippos, seals, and penguins (I love all of them, but they are funny. Haha). I will definitely keep them coming! God bless you!

  3. Hi C.N.

    You will never know how many times I have heard the story of the Tower of Babel, but not until I read your version did it ever occur to me that this is why we have different languages around the world today.

    I’m in full agreement – Mind Blown!

    It actually makes perfect sense now.

    As always, C.N. it’s an absolute delight to read whatever you write and I always go away feeling as though I have learnt an important lesson.

    I am leading the charge – Bible Stories For ADULTS Of All Ages – please!

    Partha

    1. Thank you so much, Partha! I am always fascinated when I read the Bible-I can read the same story 10 times, and will learn something new every time. The story makes perfect sense to me as well; God scattered the Babylonians, they carried different languages to different parts of the world, and that’s why we’re so diverse now. I love it! I am officially changing the name to “Bible Stories for Children and Adults of All Ages!” You’ve won me over! Haha God bless you!

  4. An interesting read so thanks for sharing. I’ve read a couple of your other articles and do enjoy your conversational style with hints of humour along the way.

    All the best – Jason.

    1. Thank you so much, Jason! I always love to incorporate humor into my stories; God definitely has a sense of humor (Thank you, Jesus! Haha). I will definitely keep them coming. God bless you!

  5. Talk no more so very proudly, let not arrogance come from your mouth; for the Lord is a God of knowledge, and by him, actions are weighed. 1 Samuel 2:2

    You are right, God did not like how arrogant mankind had become and because of that, they were judged. That story is not only an example of a poorly chosen path of people of the past but how not to live for God’s chosen people. We must be careful not to step into arrogance or pride ourselves when examining others. Sometimes we come off that way instead of coming off as children of light or love. Great story, one to definitely make sure we teach our children!

    1. Thank you so much, Melissa! I completely agree with you; we often think because we don’t sin the same way someone else does (they rob banks, but I only tell little fibs), we’re somehow “better” than that person. This is simply not true, as God views all sin the same. We must be careful to love and serve one another as Jesus taught us to do; if we would all take these principles seriously, this world would be a much better place. God bless you!

  6. Very interesting read and a different prospective of Jesus stories. Sense of humor is always great to add onto the stories to keep the audience engaged.

    Keep up the good work

    Good bless

  7. You say that she did this so they couldn’t understand each other and laugh at the jokes; does this mean that she does not want different cultures to communicate and solve their issues?

    1. Hi, Catherine. Thank you so much for your question. God was not pleased with how arrogant the Babylonians had become (thinking that they didn’t need or were somehow better than God), so in order to humble them, he changed all of their languages such that they could not communicate with each other and finish the tower and city. The Babylonians wanted to build the tower and city to mock and disrespect God, but God ensured that this couldn’t happen. I believe that the moral of this story is for us to always be humble, never think that we’re better than the next person, and always show God the reverence that he deserves. God bless you!

  8. What happened to the Babylonians I think happens to many. They were humbled. I think we all have moments in life where we are “brought back down to earth” so to speak. It’s all part of the learning process. We learn more from those moments of contrast than we learn in all of our years of schooling. I mean, what they thought was such contrast (being made to speak different languages) has been such a blessing throughout history. Everything happens for a reason. We will always be learning. It’s wonderful.

    1. Thank you so much, Teresa! Given our sinful nature, we definitely have those moments where we think we’re invincible or much better than we are; God always knows how to humble us. God also has a way of bringing good out of a bad situation-though he created different languages to punish the Babylonians, we are now able to enjoy different languages, accents and cultures as a result of it. God is good! Haha God bless you!

  9. Man I loved the comment some don’t like the God post but God knew there would be a bunch of haters ,in my eyes you can’t go wrong working with God, aft6er all there’s more and more of us God lovers out hear and growing by the minute I do like you’re content and it’s form hyou should go quit far with your site

    1. Thank you so much, Bill! God is the best thing that has ever happened to me-giving my life to Jesus Christ was the beginning of the most rewarding and fulfilling life I could have ever lived. Knowing God is to know true love, peace, happiness, and a joy that surpasses all understanding (I can have joy when the world is in complete chaos). I will continue to spread God’s truth, and I’m so happy that you enjoyed my post! God bless you!

  10. Great content!
    I had some chuckles there, I love that God too has a sense of humor.
    Even though I am a Muslim, have never read the bible and probably never will, I enjoyed this post because it is fun to read.

    However, it was not easy to read. You have written great paragraphs but have not provided the required spacing, I should say that it was as reader-friendly as it needs to be, and I hope you don’t take this personally. Just provide a single line space after you have written 4-5 lines of content and you will be more than fine.

    Best regards,
    Azimi.

    1. Thank you so much, Sulaiman! I pray that God will touch you in a way that you might give the Holy Bible a read-that’s our road map and instructional manual for how to live and get through this life (BIBLE-Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth). I pray that you will have an encounter with Jesus Christ and recognize him as your King of Kings, your Lord of Lords, and your personal Lord and Savior. Giving my life to Jesus Christ was the best thing that could have ever happened to me (thank you, Jesus!). I love Jesus, love to laugh, and love people-why not combine all three for the glory of God? Haha I will definitely work on my spacing for future posts. God bless you!

  11. Hi, i completely agree with you .We all need God in our lives.A life without God is empty .Like you said in today society some people think they are their own God which even more sad .I understand some people have not heard the good news.But for those who have heard the good news and rejected it ,there is no other way!Thank you for this wonderful article my friend

    1. Thank you so much, Jim! I can’t imagine living my life without God in it; it would indeed be empty, I’d have no hope in times of great trials and tribulations, and I’d have no Heavenly protection (through the blood of Jesus Christ and his legion of angels surrounding me) as I go through this life. Thank God that he is mine, and I am his! I want everyone to know this joy-our futures depend on it. God bless you!

  12. Hi, i completely agree with you .We all need God in our lives.A life without God is empty .Like you said in today society some people think they are their own God which even more sad .I understand some people have not heard the good news.But for those who have heard the good news and rejected it ,there is no other way!Thank you for this wonderful article my friend.I like it

    1. Thank you so much, Jim! I can’t imagine living my life without God in it; it would indeed be empty, I’d have no hope in times of great trials and tribulations, and I’d have no Heavenly protection (through the blood of Jesus Christ and his legion of angels surrounding me) as I go through this life. Thank God that he is mine, and I am his! I want everyone to know this joy-our futures depend on it. God bless you!

  13. Since I was a child I have seen so many changes over the years and I don’t like what I see.

    We see so many of God’s houses been sold and opened as restaurants, DIY stores, and even demolished to make way for housing.

    I remember going to the church as a youngster, but nowadays lucky if you can find one open.

    The one thing we all have in common is “Free Will” and because of this GOD treats us all the same, and doesn’t judge, but he certainly must have a sense of humour looking at what his children are doing to ruin his work.

    Not to worry because when the time comes all will be revealed.

    Thanks for sharing another great read.

    Mick

    1. Thank you so much, Mick! I couldn’t agree with you more. This world doesn’t fear or revere God the way that it should, and that’s the very reason why we’re currently in the Beginning of Sorrows. God is giving this world a chance to repent, turn away from all sin/evil/wickedness, ask Jesus Christ into our lives as our Lord and Savior, and follow him. Until this world does as such, things are only going to get worse and worse. Jesus is coming back for his Bride (the Church) and to judge this world; I want to be in that number when the saints go marching in. As the Bible says, every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess, that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of the Father. God bless you!

  14. Another interesting post – I giggled at the title. I haven’t heard the word, ‘ignoramus’ in a while. Sharing stories and messages with humour is a great way of making information stick and people often remember the meaning behind the story more.

    Great read always.

    1. Thank you so much, Sharon! I love funny and captivating titles, as I want the viewer to want to read my post and see what I’m talking about. God definitely has a sense of humor. Haha God bless you!

  15. What a powerful message! The story of the Tower of Babel has always fascinated me. Every time I read or hear this message, it gives a new meaning. This time, the message for me is to surrender all to God. The Babylonians thought that they could keep going and not listen to God and then God surprised them!
    My take-home message is to surrender all to God especially in my online business where I am still learning everything because I can’t do it without him.

    1. Thank you so much, Bolupe! That’s the beauty of the Bible-no matter how many times you read it, you always learn something new every time (BIBLE=Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth). We are to always honor, respect, and revere God; we can’t and won’t make it without him (I can’t imagine living in a world without God and my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ). When we think that we’re so smart and try to play God, God will always get the last laugh (Hallelujah! Haha). Surrender everything to God, and we will be just fine! God bless you!

    1. Thank you so much, Alexander! I’m so happy that you enjoyed the story! I love Jesus, love to laugh and love people-why not combine all three for the glory of God? We all certainly need God, and when we humble ourselves before him, beautiful things happen. God bless you!

  16. I think the story was told in a very engaging style. I like how the addition of your thoughts on each part of the story helped make the read more entertaining. As I learned this story in a very straight forward and formal style and I enjoyed this version way better. Thank you for your input, we need more writers like you. Please continue to add more stories.

    1. Thank you so much, Adilene! I’m so happy that you enjoyed my story! I truly believe that learning about Jesus Christ and the Bible should be as fun, enjoyable, relatable and understandable as possible. I will definitely keep them coming! God bless you!

  17. I like the way you linked the past with the present and I loved the title. I’m sure we all have some story to tell about our experience with those kind of people. We can’t change others but we can change ourselves and how we behaviour in relation to the external world and keep a positive attitude, no matter wether. Nice story. Thanks.

    1. Thank you so much, TGP! We’ve all certainly dealt with conceited and self-centered individuals, but it’s our job to pray for them and show them the love of Jesus Christ (God will be the one to change them from the inside out.). As long as we love, serve, protect and encourage one another as Jesus taught us to do, God will take care of us, bless us, and change this world for the better. God bless you!

  18. This story reminds me of a good old saying: While we are making plans for our future – God is laughing at us.

    I think it’s better to pursue things that we want to happen in our lives, with the mindset: let it be how God wants.

    Many times God knows better what’s good for us and what’s not. Even if at that particular moment, we think that it’s not fair, and the whole life and world are unfair to us.

    1. Thank you so much, Natalie! I’ve certainly heard that saying before; God sees the beginning from the end, and knows what’s best for us. We should always dream and work toward our goals, but we must humble ourselves snd and ask God to lead us to our calling (may your will for my life be done, Lord). I often ask God to please show me my purpose in this life, and to help me to be ready, willing, able, and happy to fulfill that purpose. He’ll always answer our prayers and take care of us! God bless you!

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