Nebuchadnezzar Fears Statues!

By: Carletta Traylor aka C.N.

It’s that time of year again, y’all! Temperatures are plummeting (I feel like a frozen fudge bar in the ice cream section at Whole Foods. Just sprinkle some peanuts over me, put me in a box, and sell me over Christmas weekend! Haha, jkjkjk), people are roasting chestnuts over an open fire, and I’m roasting (as in, making fun of) pompous, dipstick leaders like my life depends on it (it certainly makes life more exciting! Please forgive me, Lord (please take the wheel, Jesus!). Y’all know that I need help. Haha). While millions of people are contemplating gift ideas and how to gain 20 pounds in 20 minutes (we’ll talk about the true meaning of Christmas in my Christmas Day post! Stay tuned!), I’ll give you all the gift that keeps on giving: the Holy Bible (God’s Holy Word, the Bread of Life!) itself.

 

If you’ll recall from my two previous posts, Look at Those Feisty Kittens! and I Like My Traitors Extra Crispy!, King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon was a delusional doofus (we’re talking a Grade-A, primed and ready, cream of the crop-level MORON). When Nebuchadnezzar’s army defeated the Assyrians and their Egyptian allies in battle (at Carchemish, which is located in Syria), Nebuchadnezzar and the Babylonian Empire gained control of Syria and Palestine, which included the country of Israel (God’s homies! His homeboys! His road dogs! His ace boon coons! His home skillet biscuits with butter and jelly on top! His buddies! His pals! His friends! His partners! His…sorry. Haha).

 

As such, Nebuchadnezzar decided to imprison the “best and brightest” young Jewish men from Israel, taking them to Babylon for political gain (he wanted even MORE money and power, y’all!), to corrupt them (turn them bad, away from God Almighty, and toward that lava-loving loser, Satan), and to teach them the hot garbage that the Babylonians had been taught (how to worship fake, phony, fraudulent, second-rate “gods.” The only true God is God Almighty, who sent his beloved Son, and our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, to die on the Cross for our sins-bad things that we say, do, don’t do, and/or think, that God doesn’t like, that if we would trust and believe in Jesus, we would not perish (die in our sins and suffer eternal torment in Hell), but have everlasting life (we’ll be partying with Jesus in Heaven forever, y’all! Aye! Turn up! Ain’t no party like a Holy Ghost party, ‘cause a Holy Ghost party don’t stop! Party over here! Ooh-ooh! Party over here! Ooh-ooh! Haha).

 

Amongst the boys taken from Israel to Babylon were Daniel (King Nebu changed his name to Belteshazzar, but we still know him as Daniel throughout the Bible) and his three friends, Hananiah (King Nebu changed his name to Shadrach), Mishael (King Nebu changed his name to Meshach), and Azariah (King Nebu changed his name to Abednego). King Nebuchadnezzar thought that changing their names would strip them of their connection to God Almighty in Israel (causing them to turn their backs on God), but he would soon find out that that WASN’T the case (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You’re a funny clown! BUMP your meat and wine! We’re only eating the Lord’s food!).

 

Long story short,  King Nebuchadnezzar liked how young (they were teenagers), strong, good looking and intelligent Daniel and his three homies were. As such, King Nebuchadnezzar looked forward to (or so he thought) teaching them the butt-backwards ways and braindead culture of the Babylonians (how do you attempt to ruin a good and godly people (even saying that’s a stretch, given how many times the Israelites turned their backs on God. Haha. I’m just saying!)? Attempt to corrupt the leaders of the group, and allow the Slurpee of stupid to trickle down to everyone else. Haha).

 

As the 2nd Chapter of Daniel begins, we see that King Nebuchadnezzar has been having a lot of bad dreams lately-he can’t sleep (Lord knows that wild orangutan-looking muskrat needed his “beauty” rest. I need to behave. Haha). King Nebu was desperate for answers-What do these dreams mean? Is he in trouble? Is his empire crumbling before his very eyes (like my eyes were ready to crumble when Kim Kardashian took that ridiculous baby oil picture. She looked like a cross between a confused glazed donut and one of those lost children from Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory. Haha)? Seeking answers, King Nebuchadnezzar asked his magicians, enchanters, sorcerers and astrologers (they’re evil, not of God, and will lead you/us to destruction) to interpret one particular dream (tell me what it means! Tell me what it means! What does this flipping dream mean?!?!). King Nebuchadnezzar promised great rewards and honor to the person(s) who could interpret his dream. However, if they couldn’t interpret his dream, they would be killed (cut into pieces) and their houses (with their families inside) would be burned to the ground (turned to rubble). Nebu is NUTS!

 

The magicians, enchanters, sorcerers and astrologers told King Nebuchadnezzar that they couldn’t interpret his dream. In their minds, only the “gods” (they worshipped fake, cornball “gods”) could interpret his dream, and the “gods” did not live among humans. When none of these jamokes could tell King Nebu what his dream was or what it meant (you’re KIDDING me?!?!?!?!?!?!?! You mean to tell me that those glorified dirt sniffers COULDN’T interpret King Nebu’s dream?! I am SHOCKED (sense the sarcasm. Haha)!), Nebuchadnezzar had them all killed (they were cut into pieces) and their houses were burned to the ground (turned to rubble).

 

Nebuchadnezzar didn’t stop here, however! He was so angry that his Butthead Brigade couldn’t interpret his dream that he ordered all wise men in Babylon-including Daniel (Belteshazzar), Hananiah (Shadrach), Mishael (Meshach) and Azariah (Abednego)-to be killed. When Daniel found out that Nebuchadnezzar wanted to kill all of the wise men, including him and his three friends (Nebu’s captain, Arioch, told him what the deal was), he quickly went to King Nebuchadnezzar and asked him (Nebu) to give him (Daniel) a little time to interpret his (Nebu’s) dream.

 

King Nebuchadnezzar granted Daniel’s request, but before meeting with King Nebu, Daniel told his three friends (Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego) what was going on (y’all won’t believe what this crazy old man is trying to do! No offense to my older readers! You all are not “old;” you all are wise and experienced. Haha). All four of them prayed and asked God for help and to please deliver them from what appeared to be certain death. God answered their prayers, as he revealed both King Nebu’s dream and its’ meaning to Daniel in a vision.

 

Now knowing the contents and meaning of King Nebu’s dream, Daniel quickly went to Arioch (whom King Nebu had chosen to lead the slaughter of all the wise men in Babylon) and asked him to please let him (Daniel) come before King Nebu to interpret his dream. Arioch granted Daniel’s request, and when Daniel came before King Nebu (more like King Nimrod), he explained that his God (the one and only true God, God Almighty!) revealed Nebu’s dream and its’ meaning to him (Daniel) in a vision. Daniel proceeds to explain Nebu’s dream to him (the text is a little long, but don’t worry! I’ll explain what everything means in simple terms! Put the rocks, batteries and spitballs down (I am NOT picking those out of my hair. This is not a pre-Christmas scavenger hunt. Haha)!):

 

Daniel 2: 31-45 (KJV): Thou, O king, sawest, and behold a great image. This great image, whose brightness was excellent, stood before thee; and the form thereof was terrible. This image’s head was of fine gold, his breast and his arms of silver, his belly and his thighs of brass, His legs of iron, his feet part of iron and part of clay. Thou sawest till that a stone was cut out without hands, which smote the image upon his feet that were of iron and clay, and brake them to pieces. Then was the iron, the clay, the brass, the silver, and the gold, broken to pieces together, and became like the chaff of the summer threshingfloors; and the wind carried them away, that no place was found for them: and the stone that smote the image became a great mountain, and filled the whole earth. This is the dream; and we will tell the interpretation thereof before the king. Thou, O king, art a king of kings: for the God of heaven hath given thee a kingdom, power, and strength, and glory. And wheresoever the children of men dwell, the beasts of the field and the fowls of the heaven hath he given into thine hand, and hath made thee ruler over them all. Thou art this head of gold. And after thee shall arise another kingdom inferior to thee, and another third kingdom of brass, which shall bear rule over all the earth. And the fourth kingdom shall be strong as iron: forasmuch as iron breaketh in pieces and subdueth all things: and as iron that breaketh all these, shall it break in pieces and bruise. And whereas thou sawest the feet and toes, part of potters’ clay, and part of iron, the kingdom shall be divided; but there shall be in it of the strength of the iron, forasmuch as thou sawest the iron mixed with miry clay. And as the toes of the feet were part of iron, and part of clay, so the kingdom shall be partly strong, and partly broken. And whereas thou sawest iron mixed with miry clay, they shall mingle themselves with the seed of men: but they shall not cleave one to another, even as iron is not mixed with clay. And in the days of these kings shall the God of heaven set up a kingdom, which shall never be destroyed: and the kingdom shall not be left to other people, but it shall break in pieces and consume all these kingdoms, and it shall stand for ever. Forasmuch as thou sawest that the stone was cut out of the mountain without hands, and that it brake in pieces the iron, the brass, the clay, the silver, and the gold; the great God hath made known to the king what shall come to pass hereafter: and the dream is certain, and the interpretation thereof sure.

 

WHEW! That was long! Haha. Before you all are ready to let Fluffy loose on me (can we please stop naming 200-pound pitbulls “Fluffy?” There’s nothing “fluffy” about a pitbull! That’s not cute! Thank you very much. Haha), here’s the simple breakdown of what King Nebuchadnezzar’s dream meant.

 

King Nebuchadnezzar saw a great image (a statue) with a head of gold, a chest and arms of silver, a belly and thighs of bronze, legs of iron, and feet and toes of both iron and clay (the feet and toes were partly iron, partly clay). A great stone of supernatural origin (the stone was not cut out by HUMAN hands) hit the statue’s feet, causing the entire statue to crumble into pieces and fall to the ground, the pieces blowing away in the wind (fly away, little birdie! Fly!). The stone suddenly became a huge mountain that filled the entire earth.

 

This huge image (Skittles! Taste the rainbow! Haha. I’m kidding! I’m kidding! I would never disrespect God Almighty or my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, like that. I’m just making a point that the statue was colorful. Haha) represented four powerful kingdoms/empires that would dominate the world in succession (back to back to back to back): King Nebuchadnezzar and the Babylonian Empire were the head of gold-they were the first of these four powerful empires. The Babylonian Empire would be defeated and taken over by a less powerful/inferior empire, the Medo-Persian Empire (the combined empire of Media and Persia, lead by King Cyrus II), which represented the chest and arms of silver (money-wise, silver is less valuable than gold is, just as the Medo-Persian Empire would be less powerful than the Babylonian Empire was).

 

Later on, the Medo-Persian Empire would be defeated and taken over by a less powerful/inferior empire, the Grecian (Greece) Empire (led by Alexander the Great), which represented the belly and thighs of bronze (money-wise, bronze is less valuable than silver is, just as the Grecian Empire would be less powerful than the Medo-Persian Empire was). The Grecian Empire would then be defeated and taken over by the Roman Empire, which would be as strong as iron, would conquer and destroy (CRUSH) all other empires before it, and which will have 10 different kings within it (we have seen 9 appearances of the Roman Empire so far; we will see one more appearance of the Roman Empire before the world ends). The legs of iron (strong as iron), and feet and toes (10 toes) of iron and clay represent the Roman Empire.

 

Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, will come back to Earth to take his children (all believers in and followers of Jesus Christ) home (to Heaven) and to judge/destroy this wicked, sin-loving world, starting with the evil Roman Empire. Jesus will then set up the Kingdom of Heaven, which he (Jesus) shall rule over as King, and which shall NEVER be destroyed (Heaven will last forever, y’all! YAAASSSS!!!!!!!). In King Nebu’s dream, the supernatural stone (not cut out by HUMAN hands) that hit the feet of the statue and knocked the entire statue to the ground represents Jesus Christ (who is both God’s Son and God in the flesh. Remember everyone, God is one person in three different forms: God the Father (God Almighty), God the Son (Jesus Christ), and God the Holy Spirit (the Holy Spirit, which lives within us once we’ve repented of our sins (asked God to please forgive us of our sins and help us to stop sinning) and have asked Jesus into our lives as our personal Lord and Savior) destroying this wicked world (this sinful world shall crumble to the ground) and establishing the everlasting Kingdom of God (which is represented by the huge mountain that fills the entire earth), which he will rule over forever.

 

Needless to say, King Nebuchadnezzar was SHOCKED by how much Daniel knew (he had a royal STANK face, y’all!), and as such, he fell on his face (you better fall on your face, you BUSTER! You’re a PUNK! Haha), he worshipped Daniel, and he made Daniel ruler over Babylon and chief of the governors (our main man, Dan, was the leader of the wise men, making him the second most powerful man in Babylon, only under King Nebuchadnezzar himself!). Daniel immediately asked King Nebuchadnezzar to make his three friends (Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego) managers/overseers over the provinces of Babylon, which King Nebu did (thata’ boy, Dan! Way to save your buddies’ lives! You’re a real friend!). Through God’s divine intervention, Daniel interpreted King Nebu’s dream, Daniel and his buddies ascended the ranks in Babylon (and later in the Medo-Persian Empire), and Daniel saved the wise men from destruction (give that man a Klondike Bar! Sing it with me, now! What would you do for a Klondike Bar?!?! Haha)!

 

I absolutely LOVE this story! When we trust and believe in God with all of our hearts and souls, miraculous things happen (let the church say, “Amen!”). As I always like to say, becoming saved and making Heaven our home is as simple as ABC:

 

·   Admit that we’re sinners, and ask God to please forgive us of our sins (bad things that we say, do, don’t do, and/or think, that God doesn’t like) and help us to stop sinning (Please clean me up, Lord! I’m hot garbage, dipped in excrement, sprinkled in chitling grease on the inside (just STANKY!)!).

·   Believe that Jesus Christ is God’s son, that he died on the Cross for our sins, that he rose from the dead (3 days later) with all power in his hands, that’s he’s back in Heaven with God Almighty right now, and that he’s coming back to get his children (take all believers home with him to Heaven) and to judge/destroy this wicked world.

·   Commit ourselves to following Jesus Christ (listen to him and live for/like him forevermore).

 

When we follow this formula, not only will we be blessed here on Earth, but we will live it up with Jesus in Heaven forever, y’all (Holy Ghost party time! I hope that y’all can handle my moves! Watch out now! I need room! Haha)! Let us not allow this moment (the most important decision that we will EVER make) to pass us by. Given the length of today’s post, I will not do a modern-day remix of it. No worries, though (I’m not that trifling!)! I have included a wonderful video from Sharefaith Kids, which summarizes the story of Nebuchadnezzar’s dream beautifully.

 

Sharefaith Kids-Nebuchadnezzar’s Dream-Daniel 2 (YouTube):

 

In tomorrow’s post, we will see how God dealt with Nebuchadnezzar and all of his arrogant, self-righteous ways (spoiler alert! It’s juicier than Starbursts! Get your popcorn and soda ready! Haha). Until then, I love you all, God bless you all, and I’ll see you all on the next one!

 

Carletta