Yahuah Loves Flamin’ Hots!

By: Carletta Traylor, Esq. aka C.N.

Aren’t egomaniacs the cutest little things (they’re so “adorable!”)?! These are the people who think that they’re better than everyone else, think that the world revolves around them, think that breathing means that they’ve done something impressive, and have their heads stuck so far up their own behinds that they can smell their spinal cords and give themselves a colonoscopy (EWWW! Haha). Egomaniacs think that they’re all of that and a bag of chips, when they’re actually only a fourth of that and a half-eaten Dorito. Needless to say, egomaniacs love to make their presence felt, even when NO ONE cares or is interested (we don’t have time for that!).

 

When we think of the Most High Yah (Yahuah/God Almighty) and his darling son, our Lord and Savior, Yahushua Hamashiach (Jesus Christ), we think of a fair Yah (God). NEWSFLASH! We’re all sinners (to sin is to say, do, not do, watch, and/or think things that Yah doesn’t like) in need of Yah’s mercy (not giving us the punishments that we deserve) and grace (giving us rewards/blessings that we don’t deserve). In Yah’s eyes, we’re all the same, regardless of who we are (or who we think we are).

 

We’ve ALL done things that Yah doesn’t like; we’ve ALL embarrassed Yah and acted like we didn’t have any home training at times (you DISGUST me! Haha; jkjk. Yahushua Hamashiach and I love you!). None of us have the right to look down on anyone else, think that we’re better than anyone else, or blow smoke up our own keisters (look at that rocket ship go! That has to hurt. Haha). Likewise, we must be extremely careful that we’re doing Yah’s work to worship and praise him, not to praise ourselves or put ourselves on pedestals that we don’t belong on (get that toilet paper throne out of here!). With this in mind, let’s get to today’s Bible story: Korah’s Rebellion.

 

If you all will recall from my previous posts, Did That Flaming Bush Just Talk To Me? and I See The Red Sea! Pharaoh’s A Weenie!, The Most High Yah used Moses and his brother, Aaron, to free the Israelites (Yah’s homies! His friends! His buddies! His pals! His dogs! His home skillet biscuits with butter and jelly on top! His…sorry. Haha) from slavery in Egypt, under that delusional doofus of a dipstick, Pharaoh (the King of Egypt). Yah meant for the Israelites to go into the Promised Land (the region that Yah had promised to the Israelites for obeying (listening to) him), but since they had trouble following Yah’s directions, they first had to wander in the wilderness for 40 years before inheriting the Promised Land (being hardheaded and bumping your gums-that’s slang for “talking too much”-gets you nowhere! Haha).

 

In the 16th Chapter of Numbers (in the Old Testament of the Holy Bible), the Israelites are trying to make it to the Promised Land (located in the region of Canaan->modern day Palestine, Israel, Lebanon, northwestern Jordan, and western Syria)->Break Down The Walls of Jericho!), when a Levite man named Korah suddenly wants to overthrow Moses and Aaron as the spiritual leaders of the Israelites. Here’s the problem with that: Yahuah specifically chose Moses and Aaron to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land-they didn’t arbitrarily (on a whim or all “willy-nilly”) decide one day that they were so special or that they were the only ones “worthy” of leading the Israelites into the Promised Land.

 

Korah, along with Dathan and Abiram (members of the tribe of Reuben), decided to rise up against Moses and Aaron by rounding up 250 Israelite princes to confront Moses and Aaron about their positions (WOW! Korah, Dathan and Abiram are a bunch of unfunny clowns! Why don’t you Three Stooges start slapping each other in the head and actually make yourselves useful! Please forgive me, Lord. Y’all know that I need help. Haha). Once Moe, Larry and Curley (sometimes Shemp)-I mean, Korah, Dathan and Abiram-lead the 250 princes to Moses and Aaron, they so lovingly asked Moses and Aaron just who in the blue-green heck they thought that they were (who do you think you are?! What makes you so special?! We’re all Yah’s chosen people! Why can’t we be the leaders?! I don’t want to listen to you anymore! WAH! WAH! WAH! Call these jamokes a WAMbulance, run them a warm bath, give them a bottle and their blankie, and let’s get on with it!).

 

Moses, being the true man of Yah that he was, answered as follows:

 

Numbers 16:5 (KJV): And he spake unto Korah and unto all his company, saying, Even to morrow the Lord will shew who are his, and who is holy; and will cause him to come near unto him: even him whom he hath chosen will he cause to come near unto him.

 

Moses simply told the Crybaby Alliance that Yah himself would show all of them who he (Yah) meant to be the leader of the Israelites. Moses wasn’t just annoyed with Korah’s, Dathan’s and Abiram’s antics; he was outright MAD (awww, snap! Hide your breakables (hide the good china!) and inflatable teddy bears (teddy bears are inflatable now? Haha); he’s going to blow!).

 

How dare the Israelites be such ungrateful imbeciles! Yahuah has already given you all special privileges in the Temple (the central place to worship Yah in Jerusalem, the capital of Israel)-they were to carry the most holy things of the Temple to the Tabernacle (a tent that Yahuah told Moses to build, which housed the Ark of the Covenant (gold plated wooden chest that held the two tablets with the Ten Commandments on them), to also praise and worship Yahuah), but only after Aaron and his sons (the “priests” or “leaders”) had first covered them with the specially prepared coverings (the holy things were covered with soft cloth, animal skins, and carried on a pole or board; the Ark of the Covenant had a special blue outer covering so that people could clearly see it).

 

Despite this, you all want to whine, cry and throw temper tantrums (like little children! No offense, kiddies! Yahushua Hamashiach and I love you all! Haha), and Dathan and Abiram, you two loudmouthed ignoramuses, you two have the nerve to say that I’m going to lead you all to your deaths (how dare you! Oh no they didn’t! Oh yes they did!)?! I’ve got something for y’all!

 

At that very moment, Moses prayed and asked Yah to reject the Israelites’ offerings (at that time, the Israelites were required to make sacrifices-give Yah something that meant a lot to them-a dead animal, food, clothing, jewelry, perfumes/cologne, etc.-to show how much they loved and worshipped Yah. We are NOT required to make these types of sacrifices anymore; Yahushua Hamashiach (Jesus Christ) took care of that for us. Moses wanted Yah to reject Korah’s, Dathan’s, Abiram’s, and the 250 princes’ offerings), he (Moses) told Yah that he (Moses) would not take anything from those ingrates, and Moses threw down the challenge to Korah, Dathan and Abiram:

 

Numbers 16:16 (KJV)– And Moses said unto Korah, Be thou and all thy company before the Lord, thou, and they, and Aaron, to morrow:

 

Moses told those boys (Korah, Dathan, Abiram, and the 250 princes) to meet him and Aaron at the Tabernacle tomorrow morning, as Yahuah will make clear who he meant to lead the Israelites, as well as whether or not he will accept the Butthead Brigade’s offerings (awwww, snap! This is getting good! It’s about to go down! Get your popcorn and soda ready!).

 

The next morning, Moses, Aaron, and the Scum of the Earth Society all met at the Tabernacle. At that moment, the Most High Yah himself, Yahuah, told Moses and Aaron to get away from those lava-loving losers (I’m sorry, Korah and the boys clearly had moron’s milk with their Frosted Flakes that morning and were looking forward to their Slurpee of Stupid for lunch. Don’t call anyone “stupid,” a “loser,” or a “moron,” kids! I’m a bit coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs. Haha) and to not touch anything of theirs, as he was going to deal with them in his own way.

 

Moses and Aaron proved that they were both smarter than a 5th grader and the average bear, as they immediately listened to Yah and got away from Korah, Dathan, Abiram, and the 250 rebellious princes. Guess what happened next? Can you guess?! Can you guess?! Can you guess?!

 

Numbers 16:30-33 (KJV)–But if the Lord make a new thing, and the earth open her mouth, and swallow them up, with all that appertain unto them, and they go down quick into the pit; then ye shall understand that these men have provoked the Lord. And it came to pass, as he had made an end of speaking all these words, that the ground clave asunder that was under them: And the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up, and their houses, and all the men that appertained unto Korah, and all their goods. They, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them: and they perished from among the congregation.

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Yahuah caused the ground to open up and swallow Korah, Dathan, Abiram, and the 250 princes (and their families who followed them) whole! That’s right! The ground opened up, those doofuses fell right in, Yahuah set the ground on fire, he closed the ground back up again, and the Rebellious Renegade burned to death (ding-dong! The dipsticks are dead!). I see that Yahuah loves Flamin’ Hots!

 

As we all can see, it’s important that we worship Yahuah for the right reasons-to praise and bless his holy name, not to praise and bless ourselves. When we obey Yahuah and show him the reverence (love, respect, and authority) that he deserves, he will bless (reward) us in so many ways. However, if we worship Yahuah for the wrong reasons-to make ourselves seem so great-Yah has ever right to punish us, and he will do so in his own way. There is hope, however (YAY! There’s good news!)!

 

I always like to end my posts by explaining how we all can become saved (give our lives to Yahushua Hamashiach (Jesus Christ)). Becoming saved is as simple as ABC:

 

·   Admit that we’re sinners, and ask Yah (God) to please forgive us of our sins (bad things that we say, do, don’t do, and/or think, that Yah doesn’t like) and help us to stop sinning (Please clean me up, Lord! I’m hot garbage, dipped in excrement, sprinkled in chitling grease on the inside (just STANKY!)!).

·   Believe that Yahushua Hamashiach (Jesus Christ) is Yah’s Son, that he died on the Cross/stake for our sins, that he rose from the dead-3 days later-with all power in his hands, that he ascended back into Heaven on a cloud, that he’s sitting at Yah’s right hand right now, and that he’s coming back one day to take his children (take all believers in him) home to Heaven and to judge/destroy this wicked world.

·   Commit ourselves to following Yahushua Hamashiach (listen to him and live for/like him forevermore).

 

Once we’ve given our lives to Yahushua Hamashiach (Jesus Christ), we will live forever, y’all! When Yahushua Hamashiach comes back to Earth, he shall raise the dead back to life, and those of us who have given our lives to him (both dead and still living at the time of his return) will receive new bodies, we’ll receive new names, and we’ll live it up with him in Heaven forever (cue the Dexter laugh!)! I’m looking forward to it! Let’s get it!

 

Given that many people will celebrate Resurrection Day/Easter this weekend (a celebration of Yah raising Yahushua Hamashiach from the dead (bringing Yahushua Hamashiach back to life!), I am including a link to my previous posts concerning Yahushua’s birth (Mommy, Where Did Baby Jesus Come From?), life (Joe, Where Did Jesus Go?!), death (Jesus + A Tree=I’ve Been Set Free!), resurrection (Jesus Rose Like a G…OD), and ascension back into Heaven (It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s Jesus!). Let us remember to celebrate our Lord and Savior everyday, not only on special days. Have a wonderful weekend, my lovelies!

 

With that in mind, I love you all, Yah bless you all, and I’ll see you all on the next one!

 

-Carletta